Source : Webnovel
Synopsis :
Most grave robbers steal gold and jewelry. Maruyama Qifeng steals 'talent'—literally.
Armed with the world's most morally bankrupt superpower, this socially inept body-snatcher has turned ninja necrophilia into an art form. One corpse at a time, he's building the ultimate skillset without the inconvenience of actual training, personal growth, or basic human decency.
**The Resume So Far:**
- Sharingan ✓
- Scorch Release ✓
- Dead Bone Pulse ✓
**Customer Testimonials:**
"Stop desecrating my father's grave!" - Kakashi, ungrateful son
"That's MY corpse!" - Orochimaru, rival entrepreneur
"I will literally murder you." - Tsunade, potential next acquisition
Between dodging vengeful relatives, competing with fellow corpse enthusiasts, and managing his increasingly questionable skill collection, he's pioneered a new ninja way—the path of least resistance and maximum grave violation.
Death benefits have never been this literal.
Chapter 1 : The Worst First Day Ever
Maruyama Qifeng's eyes snapped open like a Windows 95 computer finally booting up.
Great. Rain. Because nothing says 'welcome to your new life' like depressing weather.
The room looked like a discount haunted house—flickering candlelight, damp walls, and oh yeah, dead bodies scattered around like the world's most morbid slumber party. If this was someone's idea of interior decorating, they definitely needed to reconsider their career choices.
Where the hell am I?
Memories crashed into his brain like a drunk driver hitting a brick wall. Oh. OH. Time travel. Because of course it was time travel. Couldn't be something simple like waking up late for work.
This was the Naruto world. You know, that delightfully cheerful place where child soldiers throw sharp objects at each other for fun and family bonding usually involves some form of genocide.
Fantastic.
He was apparently a ninja now. Well, technically a Genin, which in the ninja hierarchy was basically the equivalent of being the guy who gets coffee for everyone else. But wait, it gets better—his job was corpse collector.
From office worker to professional dead body janitor. What a career upgrade.
While other ninjas were out there living their best anime protagonist lives, throwing fireballs and having dramatic rooftop fights, he was stuck playing hide-and-seek with rigor mortis. The ninja world's version of "essential worker," except instead of keeping society running, he kept it... well, properly buried.
At least the job security's good. People die reliably in this world.
Apparently, dead bodies were like ninja Happy Meals—they came with prizes inside. Secret jutsu, bloodline limits, classified information, the works. Every village had their own corpse collection squad because nobody wanted their secret techniques ending up on the enemy's Pinterest board.
During peacetime (what a concept), he also did corpse beautification. Because even in death, presentation mattered. "Sorry for your loss, but your husband's looking a little rough around the edges. Let me just... fix that gaping chest wound for the viewing."
His backstory was about as cheerful as you'd expect: orphan, dead parents courtesy of warfare, mediocre ninja skills that peaked at "can throw pointy stick in general direction of enemy." The morgue gig was basically the ninja world's equivalent of "would you like fries with that?"
Living the dream, really.
As he surveyed his new workplace—because who doesn't love their office being filled with corpses—something caught his eye. A little white light was hovering over one of the bodies like a discount Christmas ornament.
Is that... a soul? Do I tip it? What's the etiquette here?
He knew souls existed in this world. Orochimaru had basically written the user manual on soul-related shenanigans, along with some very questionable life choices and an unhealthy obsession with body swapping.
Note to self: avoid pale snake people.
Suddenly, a blue transparent screen popped up in front of him like the world's most morbid video game interface.
[White corpse, success rate 90%, would you like to loot the body? (Attempts: 3/3, Daily limit: 9/9)]
A yes/no button appeared, because apparently even interdimensional death-related systems believed in user-friendly interfaces.
Well, this is either my golden ticket or the fastest way to get haunted.
A system! A honest-to-god cheat system! Sure, he was stuck in a world where the life expectancy was roughly equivalent to a mayfly's, but at least he had video game mechanics on his side.
He looked at the corpse in front of him and felt... fond of it?
No. Nope. Not going down that road. That way lies madness and very uncomfortable conversations with HR.
Scanning the morgue, he noticed that every body had these little lights—white, green, yellow—like a morbid traffic light system.
He wandered over to a green-light special. The guy was wearing the classic Uchiha colors, complete with their fancy fan logo. Normally, clans like the Uchiha handled their own dead because bloodline limits were basically ninja intellectual property.
But this poor bastard never awakened his Sharingan. The Uchiha equivalent of being the only person in your family who can't roll their tongue.
[Green corpse, success rate 60%, would you like to loot the body? (Attempts: 3/3, Daily limit: 9/9)]
Colors probably mean rarity levels. This isn't just grave robbing, it's grave robbing with RPG mechanics.
The only yellow light in the entire place belonged to someone he recognized—Miura, a veteran Jonin who'd been around since the Hokage was just a regular ninja with commitment issues.
If guys like Miura are ending up here, things are about to get very, very messy.
[Yellow corpse, success rate 30%, would you like to loot the body? (Attempts: 3/3, Daily limit: 9/9)]
30% chance? Those are terrible odds. But then again, this is probably the only time I'll see a Jonin-level loot box.
He selected yes with all the confidence of someone about to make a very poor financial decision.
[FAILED!]
[FAILED!]
Are you kidding me?
One more try. This was his last shot at hitting the jackpot before he had to go back to fondling Genin-tier corpses.
[SUCCESS! Obtained: Konoha Jonin Miura Ichigo Experience Card (Rare)!]
Finally! Though 'Ichigo'? Really? What's next, a ninja named Naruto?
He couldn't feel any immediate changes, which was disappointing. He'd been hoping for at least some instant muscles or sudden knowledge of how to look cool while jumping between trees.
After some interface exploration that would make any gamer proud, he found his character stats:
Character: Maruyama Qifeng
Age: 13
Attribute: Fire
Strength: Genin
Taijustu: 10
Chakra: 12
Ninjustu: 12
Genjustu: 5
Control: 15
Fuinjustu: 15
Ninjutsu: Three Body Techniques (the ninja equivalent of knowing how to make a sandwich)
These stats are about as impressive as a wet paper bag.
But that experience card was sitting in his inventory like a golden ticket. Time to try his luck with the Uchiha corpse.
[SUCCESS! Obtained: Random +2 Single Attribute Improvement Card!]
Not bad, not bad.
[SUCCESS! Obtained: Uchiha Clan Rare Bloodline Card (1/3)!]
Holy shit.
The Sharingan. The eye technique so overpowered it basically turned the entire series into "Uchiha Family Drama: The Animation." He needed three cards total, but still—this was like finding out your scratch-off lottery ticket was worth something.
The card description was ominous as hell: "This is a cursed bloodline. Once used, there will be no turning back."
Cursed bloodline? What's the worst that could happen? Family genocide? Chronic angst? An inexplicable attraction to revenge plots?
Worth it.
His third attempt failed, but he wasn't complaining. Two out of three wasn't bad for someone whose luck usually peaked at "found a penny on the sidewalk."
For his remaining attempts, he picked the prettiest female corpse in the room. Hey, if you're going to loot bodies, might as well have standards.
[SUCCESS! Obtained: Standard Kunai!]
[SUCCESS! Obtained: Exquisite Earrings!]
[SUCCESS! Obtained: Women's Underwear Set!]
What the actual—
Okay, the kunai makes sense. The earrings are weird but explainable. But underwear? What kind of loot system thinks underwear is appropriate battlefield drops?
He was still staring at his inventory in bewilderment when footsteps echoed outside. Two figures appeared in the doorway: a medical ninja in a white coat and a short kid with silver hair, dead eyes, and a mask that screamed "I have issues."
"Kakashi," the medical ninja was saying, "the Hokage wants your team to handle the burial since your teammate was an orphan—"
He stopped mid-sentence, eyes widening in horror as he took in the scene: Maruyama standing over a female corpse with his hand conspicuously placed on her chest.
Kakashi's visible eye narrowed with the kind of judgment usually reserved for people who put pineapple on pizza.
This looks really, really bad.
The silence stretched on like the world's most uncomfortable elevator ride. Maruyama's brain scrambled for an explanation that didn't involve "I was magically looting her corpse for underwear."
Instead, his mouth decided to go completely rogue and blurted out the first thing that popped into his head:
"Long time no see, Kakashi! Hey, quick question—where's your dad buried?"
"..."
Did I just ask the kid with daddy issues about his dead father's grave location?
I'm going to die. Not from ninja battles or war or any of the normal ways people die in this world. I'm going to die from making the single most inappropriate conversation starter in human history.
Kakashi's eye twitched. The medical ninja looked like he was reconsidering every life choice that had led him to this moment.
Yep. Definitely going to die.
Chapter 2: Promotion Cards and Experience Cards
"If I told you I was just... dusting her off... would you believe me?"
Maruyama Qifeng pulled his hand back from the corpse and wiped it on his clothes, trying to look as innocent as possible. Which, given the circumstances, was about as effective as trying to explain why you were "just holding" someone else's wallet.
Kakashi's usually dead-fish expression actually showed a flicker of something—probably the ninja equivalent of "I'm calling the police."
Great. Just great. My first day on the job and I'm already labeled as the village necrophiliac.
Kakashi knew him from the Academy, though they'd never been close. Hard to be buddies with someone when you graduated in six months and they... didn't. But that wasn't the point. The point was that Kakashi, being a Chunin team leader, was a regular customer at this lovely establishment.
His teams had an impressive mission success rate. The survival rate, however... well, let's just say the morgue had a "frequent visitor" punch card with his name on it.
"Qifeng, you... ah... I understand," the medical ninja said, patting his shoulder with the kind of pity usually reserved for terminal patients.
*Oh no. He thinks I've snapped.*
"It's the stress, isn't it? Everyone copes differently. Some drink, some get violent, and you... well, yours is definitely unique."
*What do you understand?! You understand NOTHING!*
Maruyama wanted to scream. This was worse than being caught with browser history you couldn't explain.
"Anyway, Qifeng, the Hokage's ordered Kakashi here to retrieve his teammate's body for burial."
Back to business, thank god.
"Right. Got it."
The medical ninja patted his shoulder again—apparently, this was his default comfort gesture. "Just remember, Qifeng," he whispered conspiratorially, "the dead deserve respect."
Because clearly I'm one step away from starting a corpse collection hobby.
He leaned closer. "And if any families find out about your... habits... they'll beat you senseless."
Could this get any worse?
Maruyama rolled his eyes so hard he probably looked like a slot machine jackpot. The medical ninja left, apparently satisfied that he'd delivered the world's most awkward pep talk.
Now it was just him and Kakashi, staring at each other like two cats who'd both claimed the same cardboard box.
Kakashi was famous throughout the village—the genius ninja with the mysterious "50-50" win rate. But Maruyama was more interested in the burial location of Kakashi's father.
Konoha's White Fang should drop some seriously good loot, right?
"Let's just... follow procedure," Kakashi said, dropping a scroll like he was handling radioactive waste. He shot Maruyama another suspicious look before disappearing into the tent.
Can't say I blame him. If someone kept asking about my dead dad's grave, I'd be weirded out too.
Maruyama didn't bother explaining further. Let them think he was a corpse-fondling weirdo. Based on his new "hobby," he'd be dealing with dead bodies for the foreseeable future anyway. Protesting too much would just make it worse.
"I'm not a necrophiliac, I just have a magical corpse-looting system!" Yeah, that'll go over well.
The scroll had the Hokage's official seal—a martyrdom order. Fancy paperwork for "please dispose of dead ninja responsibly."
Half an hour later, Maruyama surveyed his now-depleted morgue with the disappointment of someone who'd just finished their favorite TV series.
All that's left are the white-tier corpses. It's like going from premium loot boxes back to the free starter pack.
He slumped into his chair, feeling oddly let down. The yellow and green corpses had been like Christmas morning. These white ones were more like getting socks.
Focus. Time to figure out what I actually got from my grave robbing—I mean, respectful corpse handling.
He ignored the earrings and underwear (seriously, what kind of loot system included lingerie?) and focused on the cards.
**[Single Attribute Random +2 Enhancement Card]**
**Description: As a qualified Chunin, everything about him is worth learning.**
**Function: Randomly increase a single attribute by 2 points**
**Note: Believe me, you need more**
Wow, even my system is roasting my stats. That's just insulting.
The card felt real in his hands—metallic, textured, with a raised "2" on the front. It looked like something you'd find in the world's most morbid trading card game.
Pokemon cards for corpse collectors. "Gotta loot 'em all!"
Following the system prompts, he activated the card. A spinning wheel appeared—like a game show, but instead of winning a car, he was gambling with his physical capabilities.
The wheel had six sections: Taijustu, Chakra, Ninjutsu, Genjustu, Control, and Fuinjustu. It spun with all the drama of a casino roulette wheel.
Come on, come on... literally anything but Genjustu. My stat is already embarrassing enough.
The pointer stopped on "Taijustu."
**[Taijustu +2!]**
Heat exploded through his body like he'd just chugged the world's most intense energy drink. It flowed through his meridians, spread to every cell, and left him feeling like he could bench press a small building.
Holy shit, that feels amazing.
He flexed his arms experimentally. Definitely stronger. Lighter on his feet too. It was like upgrading from dial-up internet to fiber optic—everything just worked better.
His stats now showed Physical at 12 instead of 10. A 20% increase might not sound like much, but it felt incredible.
We really do need more of these. This is purely for survival purposes. Definitely not because it feels better than the best massage of my life. Nope. Totally professional reasons only.
The other prize was even more intriguing:
**[Konoha Jonin Miura Ichigo Experience Card (Rare)]**
**Description: A very rare experience card that allows you to burst out abilities exceeding your physical limits**
**Function: Temporarily combines your attributes with card attributes to boost abilities, ninjutus, consciousness, etc.**
**Note: As a Jonin experience card, it's recommended to use before death**
"Use before death." What kind of ominous disclaimer is that? Do I look like someone planning to die anytime soon?*
Still, this was premium stuff. A temporary power boost that could potentially elevate him from "corpse janitor" to "actually competent ninja" in a pinch. Even if he couldn't reach full Jonin level, special Jonin seemed achievable.
My ultimate trump card. For when things get so bad that even the corpse collector needs to fight.
Because let's be real—nowhere on a battlefield was truly safe. Camps got raided, supply lines got hit, and corpse collectors were prime targets for intelligence gathering and bloodline theft.
Every village has corpse collectors, which means every village also has corpse stealers. It's like the world's most morbid version of capture the flag.
The survival rate for his profession was only slightly better than front-line combat troops. Which was to say, "not great, Bob."
At least it's peacetime. For now.
He looked around the morgue, shadows dancing in the candlelight like the world's creepiest nightclub.
Thank god there are no ghosts in the Naruto world. I'd probably die of a heart attack before any enemy could kill me.
But he had to admit—he was completely hooked on this corpse-looting game. Looking at these cold bodies, all he could think about was what they might drop.
I've become a loot goblin. A macabre loot goblin.
He wanted to try his luck with the remaining white-tier corpses, even if the rewards would be disappointing. But his daily limit was used up.
Like a mobile game with energy restrictions. "Wait 24 hours to fondle more corpses!" What has my life become?
Standing up with frustrated resignation, he locked the morgue with a chain thick enough to secure a motorcycle.
Can't have anyone stealing my precious dead people. That would be... ironic.
Grabbing an umbrella, he headed out into the night rain. Home sweet home—which was literally next door to the morgue.
Because of course the corpse collector lives next to his workplace. The real estate agent probably thought they were hilarious. "Great location! Walking distance to work! Quiet neighbors!"
At least the neighbors don't complain about loud music.