It's been almost a month since I've been hooked up to the hospital machines.
A month since I've last seen Luther.
Wonder if he got home by now. Probably not.
The medically induced paralysis Emiliano put me under gave me enough time to think.
To overthink.
I must admit that I put my feelings and beliefs before Luther's wills. But I only had the best intentions at heart.
Pointless.
Every night, as the drops of the IV kept falling, reminding me that I am responsible for all-
The prison of my own flesh.
Luther's captivity.
That cursing sound-
Drop.
Drop.
Drop.
Kept dropping on my brain like a Chinese water torture device. And with every painful impact came a more painful memory of Luther.
Was it possible for a man to break a medically induced paralysis?
Yes.
As the days went by, the dosage got cut to half, the bodyguard distracted, the nurses sloppy.
Sloppy enough to not pay attention when I stole an EpiPen from their tray.
Sloppy enough not to notice.
And, finally, sloppy enough to forget my medication one day.
It was enough of a chance for me.
As soon as the bodyguard left the room to use the bathroom, I stabbed my leg with it.
Stabbed is a strong word.
I've punctured my skin slowly, ripping it, breaking the needle into my femur.
I was incapable of being fast enough or strong enough to apply it properly.
I could only use my fingertips.
But it was enough.
I used the adrenaline rush to run.
I've outrun the nurses, the security, the guilt that hovered over me.
The reason why I gave Emiliano Luther became futile.
I don't need Luther to be an alpha.
I need Luther for myself.
The love we had died when we were kids.
All that was left for me was longing.
I was drowning, suffocating in the absence of my only wish- Luther.
It doesn't matter what happens next.
They will have to rip him off from my cold, dead, arms. Luther is mine.
And someday he'll accept me too. We'll go back to what we were and I will have him running to greet me home, smiling breathlessly.
The pain of the broken needle, the cold of the street outside the hospital, the dirty smell of sewage and impoverished -
All of it was to witness my oath.
I took a moment. Tilted my head back, let myself get stung by the rain.
I let the anguish that I felt all those weeks -
The dread of the IV drops externalize.
Just how they transformed into rain pouring outside, whatever I had become it became the world's problem.
Not for me to think about anymore.
It was the traffic noise that made me realise where I had run to.
Emiliano's apartment.
Oh. My body knew the next step before I realized -
This is the place where information about Luther and wherever he might be should be found.
I climbed the stairs.
One after the other. Endlessly.
Cracked soles, bleeding leg, adrenaline slowly fading away.
I have to get it. I have to know. I have to find him.
I-
I don't have the password.
My legs give up. The paralysis effects slowly come back.
I-
I failed.
If he finds me here, I'll go back to the hospital.
Back to being one of Emiliano's vegetables. Until he finds a usage for me.
Unable to reach Luther.
Dead man breathing.
It can't end like that. Please.
Luther, please, I beg you, come to me again.
I'll never let go this time. Not even if they will need to burn my living body off of you.
I don't care about the madness. I don't care about the pain.
I need you.
Please.
My head seemed to find its own will, banging itself on the wooden door.
Blood slithering down my temple into my eye.
Please.
Bang.
Please.
Bang.
Come to me again, please.
I fell.
The door opened.
The smell- Luther?
"Oh God, Claus?"
His face was flustered, his hands trembling, his pheromones out of control.
The adrenaline was no longer necessary. The pheromone overdose spiked something much more powerful in me- primal undeniable desire.
My leg no longer hurted.
I don't care about the vision blurred by the blood or the gaping wound in my skull-
I can see him.
The same kid who used to run to me. To whom I was the whole world.
He's here, wiping my face, panicking over nothing.
I can feel the heat coming from him. Comforting. Final piece in my puzzle.
I am at home at last.
"We need to call an ambulance. We need to-"
He stopped his rambling as I nuzzled my head into his lap.
"What are you doing?"
"I missed you."
"Claus, stop!"
No.
I don't want to break my embrace. I am not letting you slip through my fingers again.
"Please, let me hold you, Lu."
"It's because of you that my life is ruined. I can't just forgive you-"
I covered his mouth with my own. Fought his stubbornness with all my ache for him as our breath became one.
I let him rest. I want him to choose me.
He didn't move, but he didn't pull away either. Something in his trembling told me he wasn't ready—but maybe, just maybe, he didn't want to be alone either.
I still have a chance.
The soft sadness and regret in his eyes tell me that much.
"I am a ruin too, Lu, can't we rebuild each other? Please, all those years. For more than ten years, all I had was the ghost of you."
I kept his nose locked in the dip of my collarbone. Smell me. Understand me. Tell me you feel the same.
Say you ache for me too.
"You've taunted my dreams, you filled my days, you tormented my mind every day for more than ten years. Please, please, please. I got to know you are real."
Stop crying. You are holding me too.
Your sobs sing a song of forgiveness.
"Claus"
His voice was small, fragile, unsure. The hum of the refrigerator was almost covering it.
"Why did you do this to me?"
"Emiliano can transform omegas in alphas. I wanted to give you a chance at freedom."
"I was doing just fine. I had my struggles, sure, but they were mine. I have earned my freedom. I didn't need you to grant it to me."
His tears were flowing down. His scent pulsing between the heat longing and heartbreak.
"Lu"
"Leave, Claus. I can't talk now. My body is acting up and your pheromones make my stomach feel like I've been stabbed."
"It's just a heat. I can help. Let me help."
A voice echoed in my ears. Like a thunder.
The fury of God.
"I am sure that's his husband's duty."
Emiliano towered over us from the door frame.
And I was reminded of what I seemed to have forgotten while I was away, rotting in the hospital bed.
One feeling overpowering all my ration.
Making my limps senseless and my heart throbbing out of my chest.
Fear.