The fabric of reality knit back together in an instant.
I jolted, breathless.
"Maiko-nee-chan? It's Izumo."
I immediately reached for the source of that voice. I clung to him like a limpet with my arms around his shoulders and my face hidden against his neck. "Are they gone?" I whispered with a hoarse voice. My throat hurt. "The snakes. Are they gone?"
"Yes, nee-chan, They're gone. It's over." He brushed my hair gently.
I grabbed his shirt tightly and focused on taking regular breaths. Izumo smelt like sweat, forest, and dirt, like someone who had traveled for a long time through Hi no Kuni's woods. It was familiar and reassuring.
"It was a genjutsu, nee-chan. You were attacked in your apartment," he said with a quivering voice. "Do you remember?"
"Anbu."
"Anbu?"
"There was an Anbu at the door. A cat mask, like Zou but not Zou. Then mokuton and snakes everywhere . They were hissing so many questions. I just wanted them to shut up."
"What kind of questions?" A voice asked.
"Sssh," I whispered. If people spoke loudly, I couldn't listen for the hissing. The snakes might come back.
"Maiko-san, I know you've been through something difficult, but if you gave information to whoever attacked you, we need to know."
I shook my head against Izumo's shirt. "I didn't say a thing. Not a thing."
"Are you sure ?"
"I kept my mouth shut. I didn't want the snakes to go in. Orochimaru, he has snakes who can go out of his hands and mouth, you know? That… that's just… Gonna throw up." I scrambled out of Izumo's embrace and leaned over the edge of what I dimly recognized as a bed. A basin appeared. Hands kept my hair out of the way as I emptied my stomach and tried to regurgitate my organs while I was it. When I stopped heaving, someone offered me a wet cloth. I wiped my face with shaking hands. I was covered with cold sweat. However, I felt better, more focused, and anchored in reality.
I looked around the room to discover that it was quite full.
Great. How embarrassing.
Apart from Izumo sitting beside me and rubbing my back, there was Rin who put the basin away and offered me a gentle smile. She put a hand over my forehead. It glowed green before my nausea ebbed.
At the foot of the bed, the Yondaime was holding the metal rail with white knuckles. Despite that, when our eyes met, he gave me a slight encouraging smile.
On his left was the Jounin Commander with his arms crossed and on his right the ANBU commander. The latter was the one asking me questions: his modified voice was characteristic of ANBU.
Then there was Genma, leaning against the wall near the door. His senbon was nowhere to be seen, but he was biting his scratched bottom lip and looking at his feet.
"Maiko-san. Can you give us a preliminary report?" The ANBU Commander insisted.
I made the hand sign for 'water' in Rin's direction. She poured me a glass.
Once I had spit out most of the bad taste and drank enough to soothe my throat, I spoke: "I can try. It's… blurry. I can't say when the genjutsu started. Now that you tell me it was one, it seems obvious but it was… It looked real until… until snakes emerged from the furniture." I played with the wet cloth I had been given, looking down in shame as I murmured softly: "I suck at countering genjutsu."
"From what you're saying, it sounds like a very high-level one. Progressive genjutsus are meant to lure the victim into a state where they won't even think of trying to counter it. It's the hardest type to resist. A-level."
At least, there was that. Whoever did this didn't take me lightly.
Izumo's hand on my back helped me focus as I related what happened.
"At no point, you saw him making hand seals?"
"No."
"Did you see his eyes?"
"I… I can't recall noticing them in particular."
"Maiko-san," the Hokage stepped in. "You need to know that you weren't the only one attacked this morning."
I flinched. "W-who else?"
"There were several simultaneous attempts against clan compounds as well as the Hokage mansion," Shikaku explained. "The private archives seemed to be their targets, but all those attacks have been stopped before they could get anything — at least to our knowledge, controls are ongoing. Apart from minor injuries, you're the only victim. You're also the only individual targeted."
"They're clearly looking for information," the ANBU commander added. "That's why we need to know what they asked you and what they might have learned."
I pushed away strands of hair from my sweaty face, trying to make the effort to remember, despite how queasy it made me. "I… It blurs in my head."
"That's a standard side-effect of powerful interrogation genjutsu," Rin explained. "Don't try to force it. Close your eyes. Pick up the words as they come. The important ones will come to you, sooner or later. Your mind just needs to sort it out and get over the trauma on its own time."
I followed her advice and pressed my hands against my eyes. After a long minute, I said: "Names. I remember… names. O-orochimaru? And Uchiha… Yes, definitely Uchiha. I… I don't remember the context."
"That's good enough for now," Minato decided. "Maiko-san, please, rest. You'll be debriefed again later. Genma will stay with you for a while."
The three high-ranked men were leaving the room when I remembered something. "Ah. Shikaku-san!"
The Jounin Commander halted in the doorway and replied before I could even ask: "Yoshino is aware you were attacked. She'll pass by when you're allowed visitors."
"Oh, thank you," I breathed.
The door closed behind him.
I looked at Izumo and frowned. "Wait… Weren't you supposed to come home tomorrow? Don't tell me I was in the genjutsu for a day!"
"No, no," Izumo and Rin denied at the same time.
"We were early and then Yondaime-sama got a message that you were hurt, and he teleported us here," Izumo explained. "The rest of the group hasn't arrived yet."
"It's the afternoon, Maiko, only a few hours passed," Rin added.
"Oh." I relaxed a bit. "Well, it seemed so long. I feel like shit." My hands were still shaking. In fact, I was shaky all over.
A snort came from the door. We turned toward Genma who looked up, unable to hide his lopsided smile.
"What are you doing over there? Come here and give me a hug, idiot," I grumbled.
"Ma'am. Yes, ma'am." Genma moved away from the wall, all graceful moves and languid steps. He went around the bed to sit on the other side and opened his arms. I leaned into him, ignoring my sweaty state. He was kind enough not to mention it either.
"Worst birthday ever," I sighed.
"No kidding," Genma said as he rubbed my back.
"It beats that time when I also spent most of the day in the hospital, right, Izumo?"
The boy groaned and hid his face behind his hands. "Nee-chan. You promised you wouldn't tell anyone about it."
I chuckled. "No details, but at least that time I wasn't the patient." I rolled my head on Genma's shoulder. It was strangely comfortable, apart from the aches. "Rin-chan. Why does it hurt… everywhere?" I rubbed my old scars distractedly. They were the worst.
"High-level genjutsu are straining on the body as much as on the mind. Your muscles tensed as you tried to fight the illusions. A hot shower could help."
"Can I have one?" I asked hopefully. I felt filthy.
"Yes, you have a private bathroom," she pointed out with a wave toward a door.
"I can get you clothes from your apartment," Izumo offered.
I accepted gratefully.
He left quickly, eager to be useful. Rin stepped out to take care of her other patients.
Walking to the bathroom with sore muscles was literally a pain, but the hot water felt heavenly, at least until an optical illusion made me mistake the handrail for a snake. I screamed and cowered in the corner, curling up with my knees to the chest.
"Maiko?!" Genma called from just outside the door, the handle going down.
"I— It's fine! Just… just my imagination," I stuttered, now feeling stupid on top of feeling horrible.
"Darling, is it alright if I leave the door ajar?"
"Y-yeah."
The door opened just enough for him to better hear me but not see me. "Do you want to talk to me while you finish?"
I stood up slowly but didn't use the handrail to do so. "A-alright... You know, I wasn't scared of many animals, but snakes are definitely at the top of my shit list."
"It's still better than little spiders."
I smiled a little and slowly started to wash again. "Are you afraid of spiders, Genma?"
"Not me, but a friend who I should not name because he made me swear to take this to my grave."
"Is there an animal you're afraid of?"
"An animal? Mh… I had this mission once near a swamp. An alligator nearly bit my foot off. I hadn't seen it at all until it attacked. Those things are nasty."
I chuckled a little and rubbed my arms. "Lucky for you, there aren't any near Konoha."
"Yeah, once was enough. You know, Izumo and Kotetsu did well at the Chunin Exams."
I straightened a little at the reminder. "Really?"
"Yes. They both beat their first opponent before getting eliminated. It's not official yet, but the Yondaime complimented them. Their promotion is pretty much a given."
"That's wonderful!" Finally some good news on this awful day. "How was Suna?"
"Hot. Dry. Lots of sand."
"No kidding. Thank you so much, I wouldn't have guessed," I deadpanned with a roll of my eyes and a fond smile.
"Ok. What about: boring, stuffy, and poisonous?"
"You're a real tour guide, Genma. It's incredible how I can imagine the place now, really."
"I know, I know. You're welcome. At least you appreciate it. Hokage-sama wasn't convinced by my first overview of the village. I don't get why."
"Astonishing, indeed. By now he should be used to your dubious humor."
"You love it."
"I'm not your boss."
"Such a shame. I'd take your orders so well."
I turned off the water and grabbed the two towels Rin had provided. The first went around my long hair, and the second around my chest once I had dried my feet and walked out of the shower. I went to the door and opened it a little more. When Genma glanced at me, I went on tiptoe to kiss his cheek. "Thank you," I whispered with a small smile before going back in and closing the door behind me.
oOo
Izumo had brought my comfiest pajamas. I lounged in them without any shame.
"Are all your clothes green? Seriously," Genma asked, amused.
"We're in Konoha. I'm just keeping up with the theme." The flowers and leaves pattern was super cute. No shame.
Rin had stopped by and promised that a psychiatrist specialized in genjutsu trauma would come soon. Izumo had needed some convincing to leave, but I had reminded him that his best friend would worry and that had done the trick.
I wanted some quiet, and yet I also dreaded being left alone, which was why I didn't bother to ask Genma to give me space. He was content to linger around the room in silence when he sensed I didn't want to speak. He was observant about body language.
I was staring outside the window, lost in thought, when there was a knock at the door. I told them to come in, expecting the psychiatrist.
"Aoba," I breathed in surprise when he walked in. He was a tokubetsu jounin now. His promotion was a few months old. He had found his vocation in the Intelligence Division, even if it had taken him a while to get there.
"Maiko. I came as soon as I heard," he said, pushing his sunglasses back up on his nose.
I smiled softly. "Stop frowning, you'll get wrinkles," I teased him. It was familiar banter coming from me, and he relaxed at my casualness.
He nodded at Genma before coming closer to my bed. "You can't expect me not to worry. The rumors talked about snakes."
I shivered despite myself and rubbed the scar on my shoulder. "It wasn't Orochimaru. At least… I don't think so. I don't know. It was just a genjutsu, not actual snakes."
"With a high-level one, it doesn't make much difference." He squeezed my hand gently. "I can't stay, but if you need to talk about it later, you know where to find me."
"Thanks." I squeezed back and smiled before he stepped out of the room.
A few seconds passed before Genma observed calmly: "You slept with him."
I chuckled. Trust Genma to deduce those things. "Yes. A few months ago. He was my first and somehow that doubled his very manly protective instincts." I laughed about it now, but I had to have a very serious discussion about it with Aoba, to set him straight. "We weren't together." His bad habits would drive me crazy. "But he's a good friend."
"And a good lay?"
I looked at him through my lashes. "I don't kiss and tell." He was decent. I had to show him a few things, and he had been too eager to please to wonder how I knew about it when I was still technically a virgin.
Another knock at the door stopped Genma from replying. This time it was the psychiatrist, a fifty-year-old Yamanaka who adjusted her glasses on her nose when she noticed my bodyguard and asked him to leave to give me some privacy.
I had seen a psychiatrist in my previous life too. The process wasn't much different: they asked you how you felt (tired, on edge, terrified of snakes, afraid of going home) and let you talk it out with patient and sympathetic faces and noises.
Their diagnosis and what they considered acceptable for work were a little different. The kind of trauma I went through today (mental torture, let's call it what it was) would have gotten me weeks of rest and therapy once upon a time. You could guess that it wouldn't be the same conclusion in this world...
"You seem well adjusted and very self-aware, that's excellent. Of course, some after-effects are to be expected, and I suspect that it didn't sink in perfectly yet, but you should be able to deal with it after a few days of rest. I'll suggest two days off before your debriefing and a resumption of work the following day. If you need it, don't hesitate to ask for an appointment at any time."
And that was it. Coddling wasn't a thing in this universe.
I actually felt worse after she left than before. Maybe because it did start to seek in. I felt cold, and I pulled the covers over me to keep back shivers. When Genma walked back in, he took a look at me and came to sit by my side, allowing me to cuddle against him without a word.
With my eyes closed, I focused on relaxing. His presence helped.
When someone knocked fifteen minutes later, I felt better and straightened to greet my new guest.
"Yoshino-san! Please, come in." I glanced at Genma who left again without needing to be asked.
Yoshino didn't look much better than yesterday. She sat down on the only chair of the room and smiled at me nonetheless. "Maiko-chan. It's good to see you. Shikaku's message was cryptic and lacking details. I was worried."
"I'm better now. I'm sorry I couldn't make it to our rendezvous, but if you wish to, I'm willing to listen now."
"No, I don't—"
"Yoshino-san," I interrupted her, looking her in the eye and silently conveying my resolve to get it out of her. "Talk to me. Please." A distraction was exactly what I needed now. Dealing with the problems of others was always easier for me than dealing with my own. It might not be the healthiest choice, but I was going to have ample time to deal with my own demons once I would be alone.
For a long minute, I thought she would refuse, but she finally pulled her chair closer and leaned on the mattress before looking around her. "The last time I was in one of those rooms," she started in a low voice, "after Shikamaru's birth… I had Shikaku, his mother, and mine all around me, all happy and celebrating… and yet… I just felt nothing. Nothing else than fatigue. And it has been like that since," she confessed in a whisper.
I stared at her, aghast.
Postpartum depression. I had been expecting everything but that.
"Did you… tell Shikaku-san?"
She shook her head. "At first, I thought I could deal with it on my own, then there was the mess of October tenth and he had too much to worry about. After that, I just… it affected our relationship and the one I have with Shikamaru." She was staring at her hands gripping the sheet. "His clan and his friends started talking, calling me a bad mother. I got irritated over the smallest things and screamed at Shikaku whenever he tried to breach the subject…" Now that she had started talking, she seemed unable to stop, hiding her face in her hands but speaking up nonetheless. "My mother passed away two years ago, when I thought I was getting a little better. I had no one else to talk to. Shikaku's mother has to help so much with dealing with Shikamaru that she looks down on me, and I don't want to make it worse. I lost touch with my friends, and the wives of Shikaku's friends they're… they're such good mothers. It just seems so natural to them that… I started to hate them."
The sobbing came quietly, like she was used to hiding it, but when I held her through it, the sobs became louder and shook her.
After my initial feeling of helplessness, I remembered the meeting with the psychiatrist I just had. Two days of rest. How ridiculous was that? What a pathetic approach to psychological distress! I grew angry against this society that pushed people to hide their suffering until they broke, that convinced everyone that if you weren't able to conform to their high standards you were weak and worthless.
Sometimes, I hated this world. Sometimes, I dreamed of a world where children soldiers were a hideous rarity and not the norm, a world where torture wasn't a thing I had to worry about. Then, I remembered the promise I had made to myself when I was a child listening to propaganda in an Academy teaching how to kill: I wanted a better world, so I was going to shape it, all around me, piece by piece.
I let Yoshino cry all these tears that she had kept at bay, rubbing her back gently.
Then she started babbling: "I don't know… I don't know how to do this. I'm such a bad mother. Shikamaru doesn't like me. I never know what to do around him. I get frustrated all the time. I tried to compensate by dealing with the clan, but they think I'm shirking my duties to my family. They look down on me. I'm… so, so tired and… worthless."
"No," I protested vehemently. "No, you're not. You're strong. You pushed through three years of depression all alone and still you tried your best, you kept going. You're so strong, Yoshino-san. I…" The tears came up so suddenly that they took me by surprise. "I admire you." I dried my tears with my sleeves as best as I could.
Yoshino looked up, her own tears calming down as she watched me, uncertain, probably wondering why I was reacting this way.
I meant it. Three years of dealing with those feelings and situations she was describing seemed suddenly far worse to me than those stupid hissing snakes.
Yoshino pulled a tissue for each of us from her bag. We composed ourselves quietly.
"You… you don't look down on me?" She asked, staring at her hands. "What a mess I must look like to you, after being so sure of myself at work."
"No. Never." I leaned forward to squeeze her hands. "You helped me when I needed it. Let me do the same for you."
oOo
It was early evening when Yoshino and I walked into her house. After I had been discharged from the hospital, I managed to convince Genma he could go rest since I was sleeping at the Nara compound tonight. It was a safe place.
I helped Yoshino prepare the guest room then diner. We spoke softly, of her feelings, her worries, the challenges of caring for a young child in Konoha, of being a kunoichi who was expected to give up her work as soon as she had a child, especially in the clans. Everything she told me about clans incited me to stay as far away as possible from them, and the Nara clan was one of the most laid-back! I wouldn't ever consider marrying in the Uchiha or the Hyuga. That sounded like misogynist hell.
At seven in the evening, Yoshino's mother-in-law dropped off Shikamaru with a very cold "he has already eaten" before leaving without a goodbye.
I was waiting in the living room. When the three-year-old stepped inside, he barely glanced at me before sprawling on the couch. I looked at Yoshino, who nodded slowly.
"Shikamaru-kun. I'm Kamizuki Maiko, a friend of your parents. I'd like to speak to you about something important."
He shifted, opened an eye in my direction, and made a small grunt.
I sighed and went to lift him up. He groaned his disapproval but didn't resist: I was doing all the work. Once we were sitting face to face, I lifted his chin and looked him in the eye. "Listen. Your mother asked me to talk to you about this because it's too hard for her to explain it herself but it's important, for both of you, that you listen. Alright?"
A spark of curiosity kept his eyes open. He glanced at Yoshino, who was sitting nearby. She managed to smile and nod slightly. He looked back at me and waited.
I did my best to explain clearly but without too many details what Yoshino went through. She didn't want me to at first, but I had managed to convince her that Shikamaru was too smart and aware to keep him in the dark without repercussions.
"It's not easy for you either, I know. Your mother feels really bad about not being able to take care of you like she wants to, but she is going to do her best to do better from now on, alright? It will just take time for her to really feel better, so all we're asking from you is that you're a little patient," I concluded.
Shikamaru had listened carefully during my explanation. His eyes went from me to his mother regularly before he focused fully on me. "Okaa-san will feel better?"
"She will, if everyone helps her a little bit."
"How do I help?" he asked very seriously.
I smiled, pleased by his response. "When she does something you like, you tell her. If she does something you don't like and that you think isn't fair, you tell her too, but you tell her gently and explain why. If you'd like her to do something, you ask her nicely. If she asks something from you, try to do it; if you don't, talk to her about why not. The best way for you two to understand each other better is always for you to talk. Do you think you can do that?"
He sighed. "It's troublesome to talk."
"Believe me, I know. I have to talk to people every day at work and that's, urgh , the worst," I grumbled, making a frowning face at the thought of the most annoying people I had to deal with. "But you know what is even more troublesome?"
He tilted his head in a silent question.
"When people scream and fight. Am I right?"
"Yeah."
"The best way to avoid that is to talk before it gets worse."
Shikamaru thought it through and nodded slowly. "I guess I can try to talk more."
I beamed and tapped his nose. "That's the spirit, little genius! I'm going to let you and your mother alone for a few minutes now."
When I stepped outside of the living room, I discovered Shikaku standing in the hallway. Motionless and bathed in shadows, he looked like a statue, but his eyes stared at me with even more intensity than his son did. I froze. We looked at each other silently before he tilted his head toward the garden.
I closed my haori more tightly around me as we stepped into the inner courtyard. "Did you hear everything?"
"Enough to understand," he sighed, burying his hands in the pockets of his pants and looking up at the moon playing hide and seek with the clouds. "I was an idiot."
"Because you believed your family and friends when they told you that she was just a bad mother?" I asked, staying firm under the intensity of his stare when he turned back to me. "It's easier, isn't it? To just… judge people." I moved closer and patted his arm. "Don't beat yourself up. Yoshino-san told me you tried to help and understand her, and she appreciated it. She just wasn't in the right place to accept it at the time."
"And she is now?"
"I believe so. We talked a lot. I think it helped her to evacuate the pressure she felt."
"The pressure?" Shikaku frowned. I could guess what he was thinking. Did he pressure his wife without his knowledge? Someone else? Who?
"Social pressure is constant and invisible. What's more, it's internalized. The more she didn't feel good and the more she beat herself up over it."
The wind blew, making me shiver. Shikaku stepped closer, shielding me from the gust.
"When I was told that you were going to sleep here, I thought Yoshino made the offer to help you," Shikaku said, watching me closely. "Why is it that you're the one to help when you're the one hurt this morning?"
My hair flew around me. I angled my face in the wind's direction to keep the strands away. I stared at the trees swaying. "Helping another is a good way to heal oneself." An owl's call sounded out, not far. We were close to the forest. "It gives hope and purpose. It puts things in perspective."
Some noises attracted our attention toward the patio, where Yoshino was carrying Shikamaru in her arms with the boy's head on her shoulder. She had pulled down her shirt's collar to free a shoulder, to get some skin-on-skin contact with her son, like I had advised her to facilitate bonding. Shikamaru was bundled in a blanket. He looked extremely comfortable and ready to doze.
Shikaku's face softened significantly, and he walked up to them.
I took my leave as discreetly as possible when they hugged each other. They needed some private time to come to terms with this.
Fortunately, the guest room was far enough from the others to allow everyone some privacy. I hadn't eaten dinner, but when I settled on the futon, far from anything that could turn into a snake, I realized I wasn't hungry.
This twenty-third day of March had been a right mess. It dragged on as sleep evaded me, but I felt at peace, knowing that I had helped someone.
oOo Bonus - The Nara's PoV oOo
"You shouldn't have let the Hokage steal her," Yoshino whispered.
"Sage, don't remind me," Shikaku whispered back with a soft groan. "It's not like I had a choice, but Minato owes me so much, the lucky bastard."
Yoshino giggled, and Shikaku glanced at her fondly, pleased to hear what had become a rare sound these last years. They exchanged a smile over Shikamaru's head. The moon was lighting their bedroom just enough for them to see each other. They were lying down in bed with their son in between.
"It was her birthday today," he said, remembering Genma's comment.
"Really? We should give her something."
He hummed in agreement.
She hit him lightly. "That's the part where you make a suggestion, lazy bum, or else I'll buy her a whole kimono set."
"You could empty the Nara vault and I would agree."
Yoshino faltered, understanding the unsaid statement that any gift would be worth it for the help Maiko had given them. "Well, your mother might not approve."
"Let me handle her." Shikaku reached for her hand and intertwined their fingers. "I'll speak to her."
Thankful, Yoshino tilted her head to hide the tears gathering at the corner of her eyes. "... I'm buying Maiko-chan a yukata."
Shikaku hummed peacefully. "She would like floral patterns."
"In soft green and pink," Yoshino agreed.