Smoker's grip tightened around his seastone jutte, his teeth grinding against his cigar. The white plumes of his Devil Fruit power already coiled around his arms, ready to strike. His eyes never left Takuya—the source of this madness.
"Enough games," Smoker growled. His voice cut through the chaotic murmurs of the crowd like a blade. "You're coming with me."
Takuya didn't even flinch. Instead, he leaned forward, resting his chin on his palm with a lazy smirk. "Oh? And why would I do that?"
"Because I'm not asking."
With a burst of speed that belied his massive frame, Smoker lunged forward, his body dissolving into thick, roiling smoke as he shot across the square like a bullet. His jutte gleamed, aimed straight for Takuya's throat.
—
But then, Takuya's smirk widened.
And he spoke.
"HE WANTS TO STEAL YOUR COOKIES!"
The words echoed like a gunshot.
The crowd froze.
Then—
A collective, guttural snarl.
Smoker barely had time to register the shift before hundreds of bloodshot eyes locked onto him.
"Wha—?"
"HE'S TAKING THEM AWAY!" a woman shrieked, her voice cracking with hysteria.
"NO MORE COOKIES?!" a burly dockworker roared, veins bulging in his neck.
"KILL HIM!"
The square erupted.
The Mob Turns
One second, Smoker was mid-lunge, seconds from crushing Takuya's windpipe.
The next, a tidal wave of ravenous civilians slammed into him.
"RRRAGH!" A fisherman, twice Smoker's width, tackled him from the side, his teeth bared like a rabid animal.
Smoker's smoke-form scattered briefly, reforming just in time to block a wooden crate swung at his head by a frothing-mouthed merchant.
"You will NOT take them from us!" the man howled, spittle flying.
Smoker's eyes darted around—his Marines were being swarmed. Tashigi had her sword drawn, but even she was being forced back, her usual precision useless against the sheer mindless frenzy of the mob.
"CAPTAIN!" she shouted, parrying a butcher's cleaver swung by a trembling teenager. "They're—they're not stopping!"
Smoker's jaw clenched. "Tch. Pathetic."
He erupted into smoke, surging upward to avoid the grasping hands—
But Takuya wasn't done.
"Oh no, no, no," the vendor tutted, shaking his head with mock sorrow. "He's not just stealing them… he's going to DESTROY them all! Every last crumb!"
The crowd SCREAMED.
A mother, her dress torn and eyes wild, leapt onto Smoker's back, nails raking at his face. "GIVE THEM BACK! GIVE THEM BAAAAACK!"
A Marine recruit barely out of training was dogpiled by six men, their fists rising and falling in a brutal rhythm as they shrieked about "precious cookies."
Smoker grit his teeth. This wasn't a fight—it was a feeding frenzy.
And Takuya?
He just laughed, lounging in his chair as he fed Mira another cookie, just like a dog.
"See, Captain?" Takuya purred. "This is what happens when you try to take away people's happiness."
Smoker's eyes burned.
"You bastard—!"
But before he could react, a new voice cut through the chaos.
"HEY! SMOKEY!"
Smoker's head snapped to the side—
Just in time to see Luffy's sandal imprint itself on his face.
"GUM-GUM… PISTOL!"
WHAM!
The punch sent Smoker crashing through three stalls, his body skidding to a halt in a pile of splintered wood.
The crowd cheered.
Not for Luffy.
But because the "cookie thief" had been "punished."
Takuya clapped slowly, his grin sickeningly pleased.
"Well then," he mused, watching Smoker struggle to rise. "Who's next?"
Just as the crowd was losing their minds over the cookies, Buggy the Clown came crashing into the square, his blue hair bouncing as he waved his cutlass dramatically.
"GYAHAHAHA! FINALLY, I'LL GET MY REVENGE ON STRAW HAT LU— OOF!"
A big, sweaty dockworker barreled straight into him, knocking the air out of his lungs.
"OUTTA MY WAY! I NEED THOSE COOKIES!" the man roared, stepping right on Buggy's stomach as he ran past.
Buggy's eyes bulged. "ACK—! YOU MORON, DO YOU KNOW WHO I— YEEOWCH!"
Another person, a wild-eyed woman, stomped right on his crotch by accident as she scrambled toward Takuya's stall.
"MY DICK! MY PRECIOUS DICK!" Buggy shrieked, his voice cracking. He curled into a ball, clutching himself. "WHAT KIND OF SAVAGES— OW! OW! OW!"
More people ran over him, stepping on his arms, legs, even his face. One guy tripped and landed butt-first on Buggy's nose.
"GAH! MY FACE! MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!"
Buggy's Crew Gets Wrecked Too
Nearby, Cabaji the Acrobat tried to flip over the crowd—until a huge fisherman grabbed him mid-air and slammed him into the ground.
"GIVE ME YOUR COOKIES!" the fisherman screamed, shaking Cabaji like a ragdoll.
"I DON'T HAVE ANY— THUD!"
Cabaji got piledrived face-first into the dirt.
Mohji and Richie didn't fare any better.
"GRRR! (I'll protect you, Mohji!)" Richie growled, puffing up his fur.
But then five cookie-crazed townspeople dogpiled them.
"FLUFFY LION! HE MUST HAVE HIDDEN COOKIES IN HIS FUR!"
"NO, WAIT— CHOMP! YOWCH! HE BIT ME!"
Mohji tried to pull Richie free, but then a stray foot kicked him in the butt, sending him flying into a fruit cart.
"GYAAAAH! THIS IS THE WORST REVENGE PLOT EVER!" Buggy wailed, still getting trampled.
From the edge of the square, Zoro, Sanji, Usopp, and Nami watched the madness unfold.
Zoro blinked. "What the hell is wrong with these people?"
Sanji exhaled smoke, eyeing the crowd. "They're acting like starving wolves. That damn cook did something to them."
Usopp trembled, his knees knocking together. "W-We should leave. Right now. Before they start eating each other— GULP OR US!"
Nami scowled, watching Luffy grinning like an idiot in the middle of the chaos. "That idiot… he's enjoying this!"
Just then, Luffy turned toward Takuya's stall, his nose twitching.
"Hey…" Luffy muttered, sniffing the air. "That smells… really good."
Nami's eyes widened in horror.
"LUFFY, NO—!"
But it was too late.
Luffy was already reaching for a cookie.
Luffy's fingers closed around a cookie from the special jar behind Takuya's stall—one filled with real ingredients, not the drugged garbage the townspeople were addicted to.
"Huh? This one looks extra shiny!" Luffy said, eyes sparkling as he examined the golden-brown treat.
Takuya's smirk faltered for half a second. "Wait, don't—"
But Luffy had already shoved the whole thing into his mouth.
CRUNCH.
Silence.
Luffy's cheeks puffed out as he chewed, his expression blank. Then—
"WOOOOOOW!!!" His eyes turned into literal stars, sparkling like fireworks. "SO GOOD! IT'S LIKE MEAT BUT SWEET! GIMME MORE!"
He immediately lunged for the jar, but Takuya yanked it away, looking genuinely annoyed.
"Tch. Of course the damn rubber idiot goes for the real ones."
Sanji's cigarette nearly fell from his lips. "Wait… it's actually good?"
Zoro frowned. "That's not what those other guys were acting like…"
Usopp squinted at the frothing, twitching crowd, then at Luffy—who was now drooling at the jar like a starving dog. "Uh… why isn't Luffy going crazy?"
Nami put two and two together fast. Her face darkened. "Because those other cookies aren't just cookies."
She whirled on Takuya, finger pointing like a blade. "You! You're poisoning these people!"
Takuya shrugged, not even denying it. "Who said I'm poisoning them. Look at them. They seem really happy, aren't they?"
Mira, still kneeling beside him, giggled, licking her lips. "Master's treats make everyone feel goooood~"
Luffy, meanwhile, was still fixated on the cookie jar. "HEY! GIVE ME MORE! I'LL FIGHT YOU FOR 'EM!" He cracked his knuckles, grinning like an idiot.
Takuya scoffed. "Like hell I'm wasting the good stuff on you."
"Whaaaat? That's not fair!" Luffy whined, stomping his foot like a kid. "You can't just have yummy food and not share!"
Sanji facepalmed. "That's your takeaway from this?!"
Zoro sighed. "We're surrounded by drugged maniacs, and our captain's throwing a tantrum over snacks."
Nami's eye twitched. "I hate this crew."
Luffy's eyes suddenly lit up with an idea. He pointed dramatically at Takuya. "YOSH IT'S DECIDED! HEY! JOIN MY CREW!"
The entire square seemed to freeze for a second.
Takuya's smirk returned, wider than before. "Oh? Now that's interesting..." His fingers drummed against the cookie jar. "And why would I do that?"
"BECAUSE THEN YOU CAN MAKE ME COOKIES EVERY DAY!" Luffy declared, stars practically shooting from his eyes. "AND I'LL PROTECT YOU FROM MEAN GUYS LIKE SMOKEY!" He jabbed a thumb toward where Smoker was still buried under a pile of cookie-crazed townspeople.
Sanji's jaw dropped. "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR GODDAMN MIND?!"
Zoro facepalmed so hard it made a smack noise. "We're not adopting a drug dealer, Luffy."
Usopp started hyperventilating. "H-he'll poison us all in our sleep! Turn us into cookie zombies! Nami, back me up here!"
Nami looked ready to murder someone. "Luffy. No. Absolutely not. Final answer."
Luffy's face scrunched up like a child denied candy. "BUT NAMIIIIII!" He dropped to his knees, hands clutching at his hat dramatically. "HE MAKES THE BEST COOKIES! WE NEED HIM!" Tears actually started welling up in his eyes. "WHAT IF WE GET HUNGRY IN THE GRAND LINE AND THERE'S NO MEAT?! WE'LL STARVE! WE'LL DIE! IT'LL BE ALL YOUR FAULT!"
Takuya watched this display with amused fascination. "My my... such passion." He leaned forward, resting his chin on his hand. "Tell you what, Straw Hat... I'll join your crew..."
The Straw Hats collectively groaned.
"BUT!" Takuya continued, holding up a finger. "Only if your crew can handle my... special conditions."
Luffy immediately stopped fake-crying. "SHISHISHI! DEAL!"
"Luffy, you idiot, don't agree before hearing—" Nami tried to interject, but Takuya was already laying out his terms:
1️⃣ "I get full control of the ship's kitchen whenever I want." (Sanji's eye twitched violently)
2️⃣ "Mira comes with me." (The collared girl purred and nuzzled Takuya's leg)
3️⃣ "And most importantly..." His grin turned wicked as he pulled out a small vial of shimmering powder. "Everyone tries just one of my special cookies."
The Straw Hats' blood ran cold.
"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" Nami, Zoro, and Usopp shouted in unison.
Luffy, however, was already reaching for the vial. "OOOOOH! SHINY!"
Sanji suddenly roundhouse kicked the vial out of Takuya's hand, sending it flying into the crowd. "Not on my watch, you bastard."
Takuya just laughed. "Well then... I guess we're at an impasse."
Meanwhile, Mira had quietly slithered over to Luffy and was whispering in his ear: "Pssst... Captain... I know where Master keeps all his good cookie ingredients~"
Luffy's pupils turned into cookie shapes. "...REALLY?"
This was going to be a long day.