Congratulations to me, I've officially become a child.
Hiding behind my ex-shitty father.
Hiding behind Miarale.
Falling asleep on his lap.
Oh my God, I'm being tricked into becoming a full-time child.
Shameful.
But it was scary, so I'll let others handle it.
I watched Mier Evans not speak a word.
Then he started crying.
Tears falling and falling and falling.
"Why are you crying? Mier?"
Even Miarale seemed confused.
He sniffled and wiped off his tears and snot.
"I'm sorry." He said, and I understood where he was going.
"I was the one who suggested that Allen go provoke Raine." I tried not to vomit at the name.
"I thought she was just a cute little girl!" He sniffled and cried harder, "I was planning on rescuing her when Allen did too much."
Children are so stupid.
To think all of that happened because of a petty crush?
"But she was too strong!"
"Stop blaming her for your faults." Miarale's voice was like she was talking to a stranger.
"I'm sorry, I did not mean to." He cried louder.
"Does it matter?" I asked, and he looked at me.
"It's all over, and I don't know if I'll ever be happy," I said, my anger getting the best of me.
"It's fine, Mier, you are just a child." I smiled at him and watched him die.
And he ran away.
Then we walked a silent walk to Miarale's room.
I almost fell to my knees.
My father helped me stand up, but my knees were shaking.
So he carried me upstairs.
This shit is embarrassing.
But he was cold enough not to make me feel warm.
I hugged him.
And Miarale snickered.
I'll be writing on her face.
Soon.
And then there was a huge room, three times mine.
She was damn rich.
Or were we poor?
Anyway, my father was offered a seat and he watched me and Miarale play some crap.
But it was fun.
I was the princess, she was the dragon. The prince was my father, who was captured by goblins, and we both went to save him.
I never played anything as a kid.
"Goblins fall to the ground, this princess is going to stab you with heels!" I yelled at the wall.
"Then I will burn them and eat them!" Miracle cackled.
Yes, she was crazy.
"Save me. Save me." It was my father's monotone plea for help.
Then, we would take turns being the goblin and fight each other.
We ate the goblin lord.
Full victory!
Then there was a knock.
It was Mier.
He walked in, and I could feel my father glaring at him. I nudged him.
"Lucas," he handed over a dandelion and some grass, "You like plants and grass, right?"
I took it.
I looked at him, his hands and shirt were muddy.
It had been a while since I had had plants.
I almost forgave that boy.
"Thank you!" I looked at the plants and grass, and said, "I love it."
"You do?" His eyes shone, "I made more!"
"Huh," I was confused.
He opened the door to reveal a lot of plants, from carnations to aloe vera to roses.
"They are fresh!" He added.
"Fresh?" Was it his power or something?
"Yes, I grow them in my greenhouse!"
I laughed.
This boy was stupid.
I ate the grass.
"Woah! You are like a goat!" Mier said, grabbing more leaves.
"I am the greatest of all time, so yes." I ate the leaf he fed me.
"Is it your magic, Lucas?" Miarale asked, feeding me petals.
"Yeah, I can eat plants and gain their powers. Right now, it's photosynthesizing," I answered.
"Photo—what?" Both of them said at the same time.
"You two are too dumb to understand," I remarked.
"Shut up!" Those two were more similar than I realized.
They made me miss being with Illaine and Raine.
I missed them.
Should never have gone to that tree-ground.
"So are we friends now?" I was cut off from my thoughts by Mier's question.
I had not forgiven him, but he had sort of earned it.
I nodded, and he hugged me.
And I let him for a second, I managed to hold my scream, I managed to not cry, I managed not to want to throw him away, I managed.
I managed.
For three seconds.
But fortunately, those were the only seconds the embrace lasted.
My father and Miarale both called my name. It startled Mier.
And he let go.
He let go.
And I let go of the breath I held in.
I felt cold.
But I smiled.
Tears glazed my eyes.
But I smiled.
"Lucas, Lady Miarale, I think it is time you two go on your outing, isn't it now?" I looked at my father.
My feelings were overridden by my father's words.
He was considering me.
I felt like my stomach was dancing in the rain on a shaking planet.
I was in outer space, and my organs felt displaced.
And Mier's hug.
Father's unusual kindness.
Miarale's prolonged care.
Raine's warm goodbye.
Illaine's letters.
Ella.
All of them reminded me of what I did not have.
What I never had.
And heat after two decades of cold, the warmth and understanding of these actions were like eating raw, rotten flesh.
So it was understandable that I threw up on the floor.
To me, at the very least.
Because I fell into my very own pool of vomit.
And did not have the chance to recognize their faces.
Then I had a dream.
About a man and a woman.
Sitting in a bleak room, staring at me.
And a little girl.
Who held my hand.
But looked like them.
An older girl who said she loved me.
But disappeared.
A dog they said 'died', but I knew was taken away.
And then darkness.
I could not breathe.
I died.
And I woke up.
My face glazed, sweat covering my body.
And the father of this body, looking at me, had a book in his hand.
"Lucas, I'm sorry I could not protect you quicker."
I stared at him.
Hoping he was lying.
Hoping he was tricking.
Hoping he was evil.
But all I saw was his weary face and the smell of water that had not been dried properly, and vomit from him.
I hated him.
I hated how he was changing.
I hated how I could not stay angry at him.
I hated how it's him by my side, and not someone I love.
I hated myself for feeling this way.
I hated these dreams, I had not had since coming here.
"Lucas, do you want to take revenge? On the Duke?"
And his words overrode all my thoughts.