-A Gunslinger's Conscious-
I was sitting down...
As I was awakened to this world around me. For a split second I didn't realize it, and my gaze only focused ahead as my fingers went to wipe my eyes.
In my half dazed thoughts I believed that maybe I was just hallucinating. That I was just seeing things, and that was all I could do.
For a minute...then I truly did see. My whole environment changed, that closed off room in the middle of the old man's shop was gone.
Now I was here...a marketplace of sorts. My eyes were glued to the people around me as I fell down haphazardly, unknown behind me was a roaring fountain. I connected to the masonry fountain as I got my wits with me.
My arm dangled over the water fountain. It was circular…right in the middle of the center. Crafted from stone, though now beginning to erode from the cracks breaking through the white quarts. Now plating the beautiful fountain in green algae.
The strange people...or calling them people...they weren't human. A mix of beast and human occupied the ranks of this place. Their footsteps clacking along the stoneish floors in unison as they all moved alongside each other.
I could hear the crowd...the yelling of children talking to their mothers, the sounds of friends arguing and laughing...and finally the sounds of my hoarse breathing.
My fingers clawed at my shirt as I felt my heart about to burst. A horrific pain shot through my body as sweating stained my shirt.
I could feel the panic rise from within. How long has it been since I nearly went through a panic attack...the alcohol and smokes helped stop it, but now with the complete absurdity of this situation I doubt anything could have calmed me down.
I shot up from the seat as I began walking, or rather running through the pathway. Nearly barreling down any people...or creatures that went along my path.
I gazed around me, past the fountain. This place was decorated with numerous buildings with openings, the buildings held men of different races which I suppose were selling things.
Food, equipment, and resources decorated the wooden shelves they had out on display as the people of the crowd would break free from the main group and gaze along the shops.
This place with its strange architecture and numerous unknown races. It looked very primitive with an unfamiliar language displayed on the signs that littered the shops.
As my vision began to clear up, I began to try and figure out if I was insane. I began moving through the streets, my strange attire beginning to draw the attention of onlookers though they chose not to say anything.
After a couple of minutes I began to calm down...now more at ease with this situation my heart began to slow down as I rested my right hand along my chest, the feeling reminding me of the times my mother would hold me.
My gaze traveled up to this strange place, towards the castle that rested right on top of the world. Bordering the sun as my gaze set onto it...just like one of the stories my mom would tell me when I was little.
Somewhere along just aimlessly traveling. I ducked into an alleyway after my feet began to hurt from the walking. I rested along the cold cobblestone steps as I stared at my boots.
The sun lightly hit the alleyway, but it was mostly covered with darkness. Due to the large brick buildings that over casted the alleyway.
My hand connected once again to the steps. Feeling the smoothness and cracks of the stone, I thought that if I was insane. I would not have been able to feel the stone.
Though I still could…I could even feel the comforting rays of the sun grace me.
How long has it been...since I had seen, mom?
I felt my lips curl into a smile as I remembered those nights. The way her and Pa would tuck me in right before bed...the humming of my mothers soft and tender voice as she would knit close to me, and the sound of a hammer as my father would pound away.
A gunsmith...a blacksmith at times when needed in our small village.
I could still smell it right now...the sizzling of the steak mom would make on those special nights.
"Steak, for table seven!" a massive voice boomed from the shop behind me. Oh wait, but that was something else...
Those nights mom would be too tired and would fall asleep on that chair, and I would put forward my plan. I would sneak out of my room and walk across the street towards pa's shop.
He would scold me at first...but then he would pick me up and set me on the table. My little feet kicked into nothingness as I would hear him pound away at the metal, or the sound of him sliding his ruler over what weapon he would work on.
I looked more like him than mom. He was a massive man. 6'3 or maybe 6'4 with massive muscles, the only thing I didn't get from him was my black hair.
I could still remember...his hands filled with dark soot from working with coal, as he would hand me the precious metals and show me the gears and equipment it would take to forge either a gun or something else.
How long has it been?
Eight...maybe nine years? Doesn't matter anymore, he's been dead ever since I was ten. I felt my face scrunch up as I began to get up.
What would he have thought of me now...knowing full well what I have become. A monster, created from the trenches of the great war.
I began moving through the streets as I held my head high. Doesn't matter anymore...I will find a way home.
Her face...my mothers face. She was alone right now with Abby, I had to get back to her. How long could they last without the money I have been saving up?
So no matter what…
I will find my way back home. I won't accept this life here. I was about to cross the street as I saw something that caught my eye.
"A kid…" I mumbled out
His strange blue hair was fairly common here. Other people...or humans had different hair from my world.
God, that feels strange...my world. Why did I get transported here in the first palace, but I guess it doesn't matter right now.
The circumstances surrounding me getting here doesn't matter...getting back home is what needs to be done.
"Hey kid get out of the road!" One of the half humans said.
I was still unfamiliar with this world but I understood proper road safety. And I could already see the carriage bombarding towards the boy.
I looked around as everybody just observed the boy as he was about to get crushed in the middle of the street.
...and nobody wasn't doing anything.
I gritted my teeth. I have no idea who this kid is, so why should I risk my life for him. It was this kids fault for getting stuck in the middle of the road..
Those were my thoughts as I began running towards the boy. His tear streaked face looking up at me as I felt the soar of wind that the carriage was creating as it got closer and closer towards us.
"Kid, move!"
I grabbed him by the collar. Yoking him up as I leaped through the air near the sidewalk, both of our screaming blending together as I felt the stone floor break from my body.
"My baby…" A femine voice clearly said. A motherly and tender voice filled my ears as I lifted my gaze seeing what I presumed was the boy's mother.
I could see the resemblance through their tear streaked faces. While the mother had light green hair and thicker eyebrows.
My body ached from the fall but I had enough strength to gaze at the crowd forming around me.
"Nice job, kid!" Someone screamed out. What followed was a roar of clapping and whistling. Man...is this how being a hero feels like?
I got up stifling the smile that was beginning to form as I walked over towards the mother and the child.
"Thank you, sir. How could I ever repay you." The woman said. The sobs ending as she hugged her child closer.
Everybody began to watch earnestly. "Anything…" I repeated
Her eyes wideneded as she registered the words.
I stuck my hands inside of my pocket as I looked at her. "Well, how much money do you have on you?"
"...Wait, you want money?"
"Yes, how much…do you have."
She took a deep breath and sneered towards me. The sounds of the crowd dying behind me as I felt the stares burn through my back.
She tossed me her coin pouch. Aimed at my feet as I bent over to pick it up. "Con man scumbag" she grunted out as she got up from the floor and took her kid's hand.
"Hey kid, next time stay safe." I chuckled as I made my way through the pouch.
There seemed to be quite a bit of money in this thing. I picked out one of the silver coins as I glided my index finger over it.
She was obviously pissed...but maybe next time she will know better than to just let her kid play in the road. And I was just transported to a whole new world, without any money or anywhere to go.
In a way...I needed this more than them!
The boy still wiping the tears away from his face looked back to me. "But mommy what about ice cream."
"Sorry…" She apologized
I pocketed the coin pouch. Now seeing the kid begin to cry again as I looked from the outline of my vision they began to walk away. I was about to turn around and break through the crowd, but something held me back.
Damn it… My feet felt like they were dipped into sand as I moved around towards her.. "Lady, wait."
She looked back at me. "What else are you going to take…" Only to be silenced by the coin pouch flying through the air.
"Make it a double scoop for the kid…" I tossed back the coin pouch towards her. She caught it and unlike her I didn't throw it at her feet.
"Thanks mister you're the greatest…" The boy giggled as a faint smile bloomed over his face.
"Uh, hey. Don't mention it. It's my pleasure." I sneered as I began to walk away
Filled with cheering and faint claps on my back. I stifled a groan as I began to walk down another alleyway, clouded by the other two buildings as I began to move once again.
"Damn it.."
The words came from my mouth as I took a seat on one of the steps. My head hurt and there seemed to be nothing really for me to do.
I opened up my backpack as I made my way through it. Feeling everything as I laid it out infront of me. Maybe just going through my stuff and trying to gain any semblance of control will be enough for me to get my head straight.
Sometimes I hate myself...how my conscious would tell me to do something and I would just do it. It screams at me, right or wrong...I needed money!
They were going to get ice-cream! And I don't even have a place to stay for the night.
Ever Since the war, nothing has ever been the same...Maybe it was always me. Just like today it's hard to tell sometimes. I haven't known who I am for years...
My fingers trailed through the bag as I began to go through it. I laid down the items on the steps to the right of me.
A toolbox, boxes of ammunition, a pouch of coins, a pack of cigarettes, a couple of boxes of ammo, and my most precious treasure...a flask of alcohol filled halfway.
I gazed at my unsteady hand. I unclicked the seal and filled my mouth with the nasty and fiery liquid., but after a second the shaking of my hand began to calm down.
With a soft smile displayed onto my face...and my cheeks and throat feeling hot I began to go through the last of my stuff. A faint hiccup echoed from within as I softly let my eyes close for a minute.
"Matches, a compass, dad's watch…" I peered at the chromelike design of it, and I looped it around my wrist as I squeezed it tight. I pulled out my revolver and ejected the cylinder, peering in too see four bullets in the chamber as it slid it back into place.
The rifle and shotgun were slung to the sides of the pack and were already taken care of. I began piling everything back into my backpack as I saw something out of the corner of my eye.
My gloved fingers delicately glanced over it and picked it up. The way a miner would pick up a rare jewel, as I peered into it.
It was her…
"Lisa…"
The words came out of my words in a hushed whisper. In a way that it didn't feel like my voice uttered those words, they felt strange and foreighn. Like a stranger...but when I met her what were we?
She was smirking at the camera. She was sitting down on that old tree stump at the end of the estate, the one I helped her father cut down.
Her hands were curled together on her lap like a silent prayer. Her yellow sundress glistened in the photo, as her pale and freckled shoulders. Her soft features, and her warm green eyes.
Her long and curly red hair...it was soft to the touch. Just like her lips against mine…
I slammed my fist against the wall. The pain skyrocketed through my body as I felt the memories come at me like a harsh winter, as the panic and stress began to skyrocket through my body.
Why...why do I still think about her. I loved her, but she is gone now and there is nothing I can do anymore!
I slammed everything back into my backpack with an insane fury as I fought the urge to cry. The gentle tears began to flow as I fought against them...the memories in the corridor of my mind.
But right before I was about to slam that picture into my bag, to be forgotten. I just couldn't do it, my hands shaking so violently.
Until it stopped as I took a deep breath as I placed it in my jacket pocket, zippering it up to be safe and secure.
"...hey you!"
I glanced up at the three guys. They looked...strange. One was big with dark brown hair and was fat, the second was tall with strange purplish or bluish hair with strange teeth, and the other had a bowl haircut and was very short.
They all looked poor with their ragged clothing clinging to them. "Um...excuse me. Are you…" I began to mumble as I pointed to myself.
"How about you make this easy and give us everything you got!" the big one said with a mighty laugh.
They were robbing me. I couldn't hold it in as I began to laugh, as I tossed my bag to the side and began walking towards them.
"Really...you want to rob me?"
"Um...yeah." The short one said as he inched away
"Great...I was mad a couple of minutes ago. Now, I am just itching for a fight…"
The big one lunged first, his fist connecting with my stomach. The blow from the hit caused me to go off balance as I grabbed him by his long hair, my gloved fingers intertwining with his locks as I slammed my left hand against his cheek.
His body fell down and slammed against the wall causing a massive creak to echo. I lunged at him as I was on top, my closed fist slamming against his face as I began to hear the echo of my blows against raw skin.
I wasn't mad at getting robbed...and the tears were coming out after each blow. The memories that I placed into the back of my mind as each blow echoed and popped like a bubble.
My fingers intertwined with his hair once again. I lifted my knee slamming it against his nose as I heard a loud snap echo through the courtyard.
I saw her. The same tree stump as I was right by her side, her yellow sundress dimmed from the crescent moonlight that shined on her like a spotlight.
"Hey, Dismas…"
I glanced at her as my fingers ran through my hair. My heart raced as I opened my mouth to speak. "Yes, Lisa…"
"Nice night...right." She said gazing up towards the moon. Her soft voice echoing throughout the estate.
"Everytime I am with you it's always a nice night."
And I saw the corners of her face tug into that beautiful smile.
I am Nothing
The memory shattered as his hair slipped away from my fingers as he coughed up blood. I felt a pain come from my back as I heard the squeaky boys voice ring into my ear. He bit my neck.
"Get off of me!" I screamed as I thrown myself at the opposite wall. The wall banged upon impact. I felt a soft liquid spill onto my collar as I slammed my elbow into him, he collapsed as I turned around and grabbed him by the collar.
My fingers once again curled into a fist…
The bigger guy wrapped his massive arms around me freeing his short friend from the beating. Even for his short stature he launched himself from the ground and slammed his right fist across my face.
My head cocked to the side as I felt the blood leak from my mouth. Another hit echoed from my side from the same kid, he grabbed my collar bringing me closer.
I felt my face twist into that contorted smile as I spat at him. My bloodied spit flying at his face as he rushed to wipe it.
I swung my body using my weight to slam my left foot against the boys sending him flying. The bigger guy wrapped himself tighter around me, my chest hurting from the lack of air as I tried to twist my body to elbow him.
"Do it!" the fat guy yelled, his blood soaking my hair as I thrashed around.
I heard the unsheating of a blade as I glanced ahead of me. The tall guy had a long knife drawn as he tossed it between his hands as he began to advance towards me.
"You could have just given up your stuff but no, it had to be like this…"
I thrashed around more violently as I tried to spin around. "Go to hell!" I spat out as I flailed around from his hold
"Keep him steady…"
I tried to move only to once again swing my body. My foot slammed into his knife hand causing it to slide across the ground. The knife clattered like a broken plate as it spun away
My body lurched down as I slammed my mouth into the guy's arm. I bit down, the blood tasting my lips as his screams echoed and he finally released me.
I pushed myself off of him, his face in a mess as his veins popped all across his face. He lurched his bleeding right hand across my stomach slamming me against the wall. The pain of my head skyrocketing as he bombarded me with attacks.
I tried to block but he was quicker than he looked, maybe because he was in pain. But I took the opportunity to kick him in the family jewels.
His body lurched up as I slammed my fist into his face and he was down. My gaze followed the two bodies as they laid down, lying in the pools of there own blood as they fell down. But the thing is I had no idea how long I had left within me...
My left eye was sealing up and it was hard to see from it. There was an aching of pain in my stomach, my lower left ribs pressed against me as my breathing felt more ragged and hoarse.
That big guy really knows how to pack a punch. But I couldn't give up now...even if I was so tired…
I saw him, the tall leader with the weird hair. He was shaking his knife at me as he pointed it towards me, his gazes traveling towards his two other friends.
"So...knife fight, huh!" I yelled, the shaking of his blade now getting more prevalent. "You're outmatched."
I spat out a little piece of blood that was caught in my mouth, as I pulled out my blade from my belt. I took off my jacket and threw it clumsily to the side as I readied my stance.
I lunged forth as the clangs and sparks echoed from the two blades...until my mind took me back, to a place where these sparks and this endless fight actually meant something.
"Lisa...how many stars are there."
"Dismas, there are trillions of them." She spoke, avoiding my gaze as the sun was swallowed by the moon, douseing us in permanent darkness.
The stars brightened up the night sky as the insects chirped from deeper within the forest. "Trillions...that's an interesting word."
"Dismas, sometimes you really are a simpleton, or a dunderhead."
We were laying on our backs as the blades of grass pierced our skin. "Yeah, but that is what you love about me, don't you…"
Her face went red. "Shut up, idiot."
Her fingers intertwined with my own as we held it up to the moon. "I'll buy you the whole world, Lisa. Just wait and see."
She Is Dead Now...Because of you
The clangs echoed through the alleyway as I grabbed his hand holding the blade. I thrusted my knife into him, his screams echoing as I squeezed his wrist as he dropped the blade.
I lunged at him as I slammed my fist into him. His face began to twist and contort as I struck him. "Liar...killer...murderior...con man...a useless gunslinger...failure...assassin!"
I'll kill him. Better yet I'll erase him…
A swift wind caused me to lift my gaze up. Seeing a...girl? She must have been only a couple of years younger than me.
Her bright blond hair and strange red eyes looked around me. My fist still clutching that tall boy's shirt as I saw her from the corner of my singular eye. The other one sealed shut and aching from the pain.
"Can I help you?"
She glanced around one last time as she looked at my backpack and jacket. Her eyes filled with greed as she inched closer to them.
"Don't even think about it!" I yelled at her. The sound of my voice shook her awake as she once again glanced at my stuff, and at what I did to the gang.
She gazed at me, seeing me still holding the tall boy's collar as the blood seeped from my lips. "Trust me buddy. You're all good!" She hurriedly spoke as she bursted through the alleyway
She jumped and was already on the rooftop. The speed and the height she jumped was inhumane, leaving me in awe as I saw her run away.
"...Now where were we!"
I lifted him up as I felt my fist get ready for another punch. As I felt a faint cold spread throughout my body..
That feeling...
It was cold but it was a sunny and normally temperate day. Some people weren't even wearing coats. But that feeling…
Ever Since Dad died...I get this feeling. Like something is going to go bad real quick, it's like a numbness of the feelings. Then the cold pain skyrockets through my body from my toes to my head, sending all my senses into overdrive.
All the hairs on my skin shoot up and fall down, like a porcupine being alerted. The therapist mom bought for me...after the night terrors got really bad when I was younger.
She said that this feeling...this reflex, was just a mixture of trauma after what happened to Pa. That these "bad feelings" or "feelings of a storm brewing" were just a result of all the trauma that I had to endure...causing irrational paranoia.
For a time I believed it...telling myself that this was just something in my head. But it wasn't. Right before things would go wrong it was there calling to me.
I felt it when I was in the trenches, when I was undercover and protecting Lisa...and again, finally when we entered that town.
My body shot away as an icle was aimed at me. Puncturing the wall as I bounced away from it. "What the hell!" I screamed as my fingers went to my holstered revolver
I glanced around. My swollen eye limiting my vision and the mind boggling pain making my movements more sluggish and unresponsive.
It was...a girl.
Her strange white hair and very strange ears attached to her head gave her a very strange and unique look. Her white and purple dress strangely matched her, but there was still something else there, something strange…
I glanced up seeing another icle form right in front of me. "A witch!" I spat out as I pulled out my revolver.
I lined up my sights as I hesitated from pulling the trigger...maybe it was because of the way the girl looked, how she didn't look like your normal witch but was instead a beautiful girl that was around my age caused me to hesitate. Pa told me stories of witches and what they were like. He was a catholic man...or chrisitan.
One of the two. That's where my true name comes from…
Not the one I told Mark about. The true one which I was born with and only ever told Lisa about. But that doesn't matter right now. The sights lined up between her eyes, I never miss and if she wants to use whatever that thing is I won't hesitate.
Her brow furrowed…
"I'm not a witch...it's merely a coincidence. It only brings me more issues..." She rambled
I took a step back to get closer to my jacket and backpack. If this was some sort of monster, then a simple revolver isn't going to be able to handle her.
"What are you talking about...don't witches do magic and...turn people into frogs and stuff?" I asked as my fingers glided over the revolver.
Keep biding your time. Use your charisma to get yourself out of this situation, and if that doesn't work...blast!
What is this place…
Why are there so many strange people here and with those strange abilities? I saw from the corner of my eye the three members of the gang were gone. "Damn it...leave, just like your fathers did!" I spat out
Yelling so loud so hopefully they can hear me. Maybe from this beatdown they will learn to give up their life of crime and hopefully do something better for themselves.
"Also you!" I pointed at her, the revolver still in hand, but my hand shaking. If she was truly a witch then wouldn't she curse me, or stick me in her oven. "Why did you throw a shard of ice at me."
Her gaze followed me. "I have been commanding you to stop for a couple of minutes but you kept on beating him. What would have happened if you killed one of them?"
She wrapped her arms around herself, a glare beginning to form. "So, I stepped in to break it up…"
My feet slowly moved away from her even farther. Just a couple more steps then I could run. "So that involved shooting a piece of ice at me!"
"I will admit and I do apologize for that, if my accuracy was better…"
"Better." I repeated. "If it was better than I would have been skewered into the wall!"
I moved away from her as I stuck my revolver back into my holster. I retrieved my jacket and with the aching of my muscles I slid my hands painfully through them. I also looped the backpack around me as I began walking out of the alleyway.
"...Listen, have you seen a girl…"
"No...stay away from me." I spat out as I tried to get out of the conversation. This weird girl, with her weird dress and weird ears just can't read the room can't she.
I don't want anyone around me. Just leave me alone, not only did I get into a fist fight and this girl just shot something at me now.
"I'm not from around here and I don't know anything about this country. So stay away from me now...girl."
I began to leave the alleyway as I pushed away from her. "Wait at least let me…"
She reached out her hand as I slapped it away from me. "DON'T TOUCH ME!" I said as I began to run away from her…
I don't know how long I ran for as I began to feel tired...more tired than I ever felt before as I sluggishly moved through the crowd.
I was so tired, so tired that I perched myself near a bridge, so tired that I began to close my eyes and draped my body over the ledge.
...so tired, that my whole body fell into the water channel below the bridge.
You know this has happened before...Now I remember. Anytime I stand next to water, nothing good ever comes from it.
I saw the flashes of sparks...the bubbles separating around me as the crystalline water dragged me deeper and deeper as the sparks...the people in my life that have defined me were highlighted through my eyes. Bittersweet...painful memories...of distant days...but at the end...it's always…
Darkness...and the pain of loss...and the feeling of being alone...