He had nothing to say to guilt. Honestly, this was harder than he thought it would be.
His gaze then went to rage. The rage was sometimes directed at the world for being too weak to support his ambition. Sometimes at himself, for failing to realize his goal.
"Really??" he thought is puzzlement
Now this was something he could deal with. He directly declared his rage stupid. Because it made no sense to him.
Silas knew that the world would not cater to him. He was not that special. Nobody was.
Everyone has to fend for themselves and work with what they get.
Raging over something like that was juvenile. And apparently, Silas was a little juvenile too. But by knew how to cut of parts of himself off. So dealing with rage was not a problem.
Silas knew that sometimes it is a part of you that is holding you back. Silas called parts like this cancer. Because they were. They slowly but surely corrupt one as a person.
So Silas found that it was better to cut off these parts of yourself even if it meant sacrificing a part of your identity as a person. Because in Silas's mind, identity had no value without personal worth.
He couldn't understand why flawed human beings that had no impact on the world whatsoever and ones that had never even unraveled themselves as a person were so obsessed with identity.
In his eyes, being "yourself" meant little if that self had never contributed to the world and never grown. So he couldn't understand why so many flawed, directionless people - those who had never made a mark or explored the depths of who they were - clung so tightly to the idea of identity.
He had watched people wrap themselves in their so-called 'truths' like armor - childhood traumas, broken dreams, the limitations they'd inherited or chosen.
But to Silas, that was just cowardice with better marketing. They weren't embracing who they were; they were defending why they refused to change.
He understood pain. He understood weakness. What he couldn't tolerate was indulgence - the kind that turned wounds into personality and excuses into values.
**Silas believed a person should be shaped by what they overcame, not by what they endured.**
So, he did the same to his juvenile rage, he did to so many other parts of his personality.
And just like that rage disappeared.
Then came hope. Hope took the form of what he could only imagine he would look like when he ascended to godhood. That figure hovered over the ground and looked at him with disdain.
Seeing this figure, he smiled. He still had time to achieve his goal. So there wasn't a problem. But perhaps the uncertainty, the chance that he will never realize his goals again was the problem.
But Silas liked this uncertainty, it made him work harder. It motivated him. After all if there is no chance of failure, does one really give it his all to succeed. At least Silas knew that he wouldn't.
Seeing his smile the god nodded slightly and disappeared too.
His ambition looked like a grotesque alien with eyes all over his body. He looked like Shuma-Gorath from the comics but with more eyes.
Seeing this, he sighed. His ambitions have really warped his mind. He thought of fighting it and moulding his ambitions according to his desires. But he gave up. Because he couldn't imagine what that would look like.
But he knew that was not something he could do without changing his core goals.
"Perhaps my ambitions and desires exceeded my knowledge or ability". This realization dampened his mood. Sometimes he really was just an idiot overestimating himself.
He couldn't understand why he thought he could understand the very fabric of existence with his non-existent knowledge and intellect. Maybe, he had indeed bitten off more than he could chew in his previous life.
But what choice did he have? This was his path, this was his goal, this was his belief. His ambition was his life. His ambition was unstoppable and it made him unstoppable.
He didn't find this ambition ugly but grand instead. That's why it had taken the form of such a god but perhaps in the back of his mind he considered it ugly too.
Silas accepted this monster as a part of himself and gradually it disappeared.
Then he turned towards the only other beings still present - grief and guilt.
He turned to grief and readily accepted it. He knew it wouldn't help him achieve his goals or help him in any way but he just couldn't deny his grief.
Guilt was harder to process. But he had to. So he did.
He looked at the child for what felt like a decade as he slowly felt and processed his guilt. What else could he do.
Honestly, the problem wasn't the guilt, he barely felt that. The problem was his recklessness that it represented.
Silas was incredibly reckless by the end of his previous life. Honestly, if it wasn't for Jack always having his back, he knew he would have even bigger problems.
So, he vowed never to be so reckless and lose his rationality. Or at least find a Jack before he does something stupid again.
Stepping out of the spiral chamber he felt like a changed man. It had the same effect on Silas as years of his meditation.
He could feel himself becoming more 'real'. It was quite a transformation.
Moreover, he could sense his enhanced perception and brain activity. Silas guessed that it was a feature of the spiral chamber.
Sensing this he was pleased. He had decided he would come to this holy land often in the future.
After exiting the spiral chamber, Silas immediately sat down in a meditation pose. He needed to process his changes.
Seeing this Arthur who was standing in the distance did not comment.
After 30 minutes, Silas exited meditation.
Sensing this, Arthur looked at him and gestured to follow.