I walked down the hotel's stairs, each step echoing in the silence. The hallway was dim, the air stale—like the building itself had given up on life. At the bottom, I saw the clerk—head down, glued to his book. Like always, he hadn't even noticed me yet.
I stopped right in front of the desk.
"What are you reading?" I asked flatly.
The clerk flinched like I'd slapped him. Eyes wide, neck stiff as he scrambled to hide the book. "Ah—uh, just a story."
"What kind of story?"
He hesitated, then rubbed the back of his neck. "A… sexual one."
I tilted my head slightly. "Why not just get a girlfriend or something instead of reading that?"
He laughed awkwardly. "I've never really been that lucky with women, man. I once had a girlfriend, but she cheated on me, and that was the end of my experience with them."
I stared at him, my thoughts already ahead of the conversation. "So what happened to the other guy? Did you get your revenge?"
His brow furrowed. "Revenge? What do you mean?"
I leaned in a little on the desk. "I mean… after all that, you just took it?"
He shifted uncomfortably in his seat as he responded. "Revenge's not really my thing, man."
I chuckled. "Well… if someone played with me like that, they—and their entire family—would be dead the same day."
My lips curled up just slightly as the bloodlust stirred inside me, flickering behind my eyes.
The clerk's face went pale. "Uh… are you alright, man?"
I straightened my back, easing my face back to neutral. "Of course. It just… it amuses me. How life works."
He blinked, clearly unsure. "What do you mean?"
I paused. My voice came out quieter this time.
"In my life, I smiled through everything. The bullying at the orphanage. The beatings at school. When I couldn't even read a book without being punished for it. I smiled while I starved, dug through garbage, lived on the streets—and that was all because nobody wanted to hire an ugly freak like me."
The clerk didn't say a word. He just sat there, frozen—unsure if he should listen or run.
"My motto back then?" I smirked. "'Be blind, Darius. Not brave.' That's what I told myself. Smile. Ignore it. Pretend it doesn't hurt. Whether someone died next to me… or I had to kill someone just to take their coat in the winter… I kept smiling."
I looked the clerk dead in the eyes as I asked,
"You wanna know what happened next?"
"…What?" he whispered.
I paused for a moment, letting the silence stretch just enough to build the weight.
"I died," I said bluntly. "Then I woke up here."
I took a step closer, watching him squirm in his seat.
"Since then, I've killed eleven people."
The fear hit him instantly. His eyes darted toward the hallway, the exit—anywhere but me. His hands trembled, barely managing to stay on his lap.
I laughed under my breath. "Relax, buddy. If I wanted to kill you, you'd already be dead."
He didn't respond. I could already hear his breathing pick up.
I leaned against the desk and stared off into nothing. "You know what's funny? I didn't feel a thing when I did it. Not guilt. Not rage. Nothing. I didn't care whether they deserved it or not. I simply did it because it benefited me."
I paused.
"Their lives didn't matter. Not to me, anyways."
"…Why are you telling me this?" the clerk asked, barely able to get the words out.
"Because you remind me of who I used to be," I said. "Broken. Weak. Waiting for something to change. But it never does. There are no heroes or justice in this world—just pain."
I stood up straight, rolling my shoulders as I exhaled slowly.
"I used to be afraid of being hurt by people. Now? Hurting people is how I stay alive."
The clerk sat completely still, trying not to move, sweat trickling down his temple.
I walked around the desk and glanced down at his book, which had fallen on the floor.
Some cheap smut story.
I scoffed. "You're escaping into garbage while the world spits in your face."
I locked eyes with him. "You don't need a girlfriend. You need a spine."
He looked away, ashamed. "I… I know."
I turned and headed toward the exit.
"But hey," I said as I pushed the door open, "at least you're honest about being a loser. That's rare, and that's why you will live another day."
The door clicked shut behind me.
Outside, the city was grey. Damp. Still.
I walked forward, the cold breeze brushing past me.
"I was blind before," I muttered. "But I won't be like that anymore. I won't let my life be dictated by someone else's rules ever again."