Chapter 2: Unknown feeling lurking
I was sitting at home, lost in thought, replaying the events of the day in my mind. The incident at college had left me shaken, and I couldn't wrap my head around the brutality I had witnessed. How could seniors treat juniors like animals and beat them mercilessly? Who would have thought that behind Nikhil's innocent face, a monster lurked? The more I thought about it, the more disturbing it became.
Just then, Simmi walked into my room, concern etched on her face. "Brother, I know today's incident must have disturbed you a lot," she said, her voice soft and empathetic. "I should have warned you about the seniors earlier. Trust me, apart from Ruchika and her team, no senior group will harm you without reason. They might ask you to do weird tasks, but they won't dare to hurt you physically."
I looked up at her, still trying to process everything. "Then why did Nikhil beat up that guy in the canteen?" I asked, my voice laced with confusion and a hint of fear.
Simmi's expression turned casual, but I could sense a hint of unease beneath the surface. "Maybe the guy said something wrong to Nikhil or had a fight with one of his friends," she replied nonchalantly. "Don't worry about Nikhil, he won't be joining our class anytime soon."
Her words were meant to reassure me, but they only added to my unease. I couldn't shake off the feeling that I had stumbled into something much bigger and more complex than I had initially thought. The seniors seemed to operate by their own rules, and I was still trying to navigate this new world.
As I sat there, trying to make sense of it all, Simmi's words echoed in my mind. I hoped she was right, and the other senior groups wouldn't harm me. But the image of Nikhil's face, twisted in anger, lingered in my mind, leaving me with more questions than answers.
The uncertainty hung in the air, and I couldn't help but wonder what lay ahead. Would I be able to navigate this treacherous world of seniors and juniors, or would I become another casualty of their brutal world?
Simmi approached me with a hint of excitement in her voice, "Hey, Rohan is coming over to our place tonight for a night out with Ruhi. Can we use your room? You know I had a single bed put in my room, and she won't be comfortable sleeping there. Would you mind shifting to the other room for the night?"
I looked at Simmi with a mix of surprise and curiosity, my mind racing with questions. Why was she so keen on accommodating Rohan and Ruhi? And what exactly did she mean by a "night out"? My suspicions were piqued, but I tried to brush them off and nodded in agreement. "Okay, fine," I said, trying to sound nonchalant.
Simmi's face lit up with gratitude, and she smiled warmly at me. "Thanks so much! I really appreciate it." Her enthusiasm was infectious, and I couldn't help but feel a warmth in my heart.
As I prepared to shift to the other room, Simmi's eyes sparkled with excitement. She was clearly looking forward to hosting Simmi and Ruhi, and I couldn't help but wonder what the night had in store for them.
I bid Simmi goodnight and made my way to the other room, feeling a bit like a stranger in my own home. As I lay down on the bed, I couldn't shake off the feeling that Simmi was hiding something from me. The sound of laughter and chatter from my room drifted through the walls, and I found myself smiling, despite my initial reservations.
The night was young, and I was happy to give Simmi and her friends some space. I closed my eyes, letting the soft hum of the air conditioner lull me into a peaceful sleep, the sounds of laughter and conversation fading into the background.
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I couldn't sleep because of the noises coming from Simmi's room, and then I remembered that I had hidden a camera in the flower pot in front of my bed in my room, so I could know if anyone touched my stuff behind my back. I took out my phone and started to check. But as soon as the live footage from the camera appeared on my phone screen, I pushed my phone away. I saw Simmi and Ruhi kissing each other, and it was a lip-to-lip kiss, their bodies pressed together so tightly that not even air could escape. They were using not just their lips but also their tongues in the kiss. Seeing this scene made me feel strange, as if Nikhil was in front of me, taking off his clothes one by one and then coming closer to me.
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I tossed and turned in bed, unable to sleep. The muffled noises coming from Simmi's room were impossible to ignore — soft gasps, laughter, and something else I couldn't quite place. A knot of unease twisted in my stomach.
Then I remembered the small secret I had almost forgotten — the hidden camera I had placed weeks ago in the flower pot right in front of my bed. A precaution. A quiet paranoia. I had told myself it was just in case someone touched my things behind my back. Nothing more.
With trembling fingers, I reached for my phone. My heart pounded against my ribs as I opened the app linked to the camera. The screen blinked to life… and then everything inside me stopped.
There they were — Simmi and Ruhi.
Kissing.
But not just a kiss — their mouths moved against each other with a fierce hunger, lips parting to let tongues explore, their bodies so tightly pressed together it looked like they were trying to melt into one another. It was raw, intimate, and deeply passionate.
A jolt of shock ran through me, followed by something I couldn't explain. My hand jerked, and I almost dropped the phone. My breath caught in my throat, chest rising and falling too quickly.
Why couldn't I look away?
A strange heat bloomed within me. It felt wrong, intrusive… yet I was frozen. Then, like a wave crashing over my thoughts, I felt it — Nikhil. His image flared in my mind. Not distant or abstract, but vivid. I imagined him standing before me, slowly taking off his shirt, eyes locked on mine, walking closer. I could almost feel his presence, like electricity on my skin.
Confusion. Guilt. Curiosity. Desire. All of it tangled together in my chest like thorns tightening around my heart.
It felt so real… as if Nikhil was suddenly right next to me. I could almost feel his breath brushing against my skin, warm and slow. His eyes locked onto mine with an intensity that made my heart skip a beat. Then I felt it — his hand, gently cradling my cheek, fingers tracing my skin with surprising tenderness. His other hand slipped around my waist, pulling me closer, closing the distance between us until there was nothing but shared warmth.
And then, he kissed me.
It wasn't just a kiss — it was deep, consuming. His lips moved over mine with a hunger that made my knees weak. His tongue slid into my mouth, and the taste of him was unexpectedly sweet, like someone had just handed me a lollipop to savor — soft, tempting, and addictive. A strange sensation rippled through me, something I had never felt before… something that scared me as much as it thrilled me.
My hands moved on their own, gripping his shirt, needing to hold onto something real. And Nikhil… he kissed me harder, faster, more desperately, as if he had been waiting for this moment forever. Then, without hesitation, he began to undress me — slowly, deliberately, as though he wanted to feel every inch of me under his touch.
But just as things were spinning out of control, everything stopped.
My eyes flew open.
It was morning.
The sunlight spilled into my room like a quiet witness to the storm inside me. My heart was still racing. My body felt warm and shaken, like I'd just lived that dream, not imagined it.
I sat up, breathing heavily, sweat clinging to my skin. My mind was a chaos of questions and fear.
How could I think something like that… about Nikhil?
How could I dream of a boy like that — so vividly, so passionately?
What was happening to me?
Was it just a dream? A trick of my subconscious? Or was it something deeper, something I had buried inside me without even knowing?
Could I be…?
I couldn't even finish the thought. My chest tightened. The word "gay" echoed silently in my mind, and it terrified me.
I felt exposed, vulnerable — like someone had just seen a part of me I hadn't seen myself.
I sat there, frozen in place, trying to make sense of it all. The line between dream and desire was blurry now, and I didn't know what was real anymore. All I knew was… something inside me had changed.
And I couldn't ignore it.
Simmi was telling Ruhi about what had happened that day in the college canteen — how I got scared when Nikhil punched a guy right in front of everyone. Her voice was casual, almost amused, as if it was just another story to laugh about.
But hearing Nikhil's name over and over again… it started to gnaw at me. My jaw clenched. My fingers tightened around the spoon I was holding. Every time his name passed Simmi's lips, it was like a spark lighting something inside me — anger, confusion, discomfort, I wasn't even sure.
It felt like my head was spinning.
And then, without even realizing it, I snapped.
"Can you two please just eat quietly for once?" I shouted, my voice cutting through the air like glass shattering in a silent room.
The table went silent. Time seemed to freeze.
It was the first time I had ever raised my voice like that. Ever.
My parents stopped eating and stared at me, their expressions a mixture of confusion and concern. Simmi looked stunned, her mouth slightly open. Ruhi just sat there, wide-eyed, spoon halfway to her mouth, as if she didn't know whether to speak or stay frozen.
Realizing what I had done, guilt rushed over me like a wave crashing down.
I lowered my voice immediately, feeling the burn of embarrassment creep up my neck. "Simmi… I'm sorry," I said, trying to sound calm. "I didn't sleep well last night. I guess I'm just a little irritated."
Simmi, still recovering from the sudden outburst, gave me a small nod and said gently, "It's okay. But Rohan… just be careful next time. Don't raise your voice like that in front of Ruhi, okay?"
Her tone wasn't angry — it was soft but firm. The kind of reminder that hits harder than shouting.
I felt a lump in my throat as I turned to Ruhi. I couldn't meet her eyes right away, but I forced myself to.
"I'm really sorry, Ruhi," I said quietly, lowering my head in shame. "I promise I'll be more careful next time."
She gave a small, uncertain nod, not saying a word, and went back to eating.
But the silence that followed was heavier than before. My appetite was gone. I just kept replaying the scene in my head, wondering why I had let my emotions take over so suddenly.
And deep down, a voice whispered that it wasn't just the lack of sleep, or Simmi's words… it was something else — something about Nikhil, about the way his name made me feel lately.
Something I wasn't ready to admit yet.
After the tense moment at the breakfast table, the three of us — Simmi, Ruhi, and I — finally finished our meal in a heavy silence. No one really said much after that. I could feel the weight of my earlier outburst lingering in the air, like an invisible tension wrapping around us. I kept my head down, only speaking when absolutely necessary. Even though Simmi had forgiven me, I still felt embarrassed.
A few minutes later, my father called out from the living room.
"Come on, kids. I'll drop you to college today."
We all got into the car. I sat in the front passenger seat beside Papa, while Simmi and Ruhi quietly settled in the back. The engine started, and we pulled out of the driveway. The morning sun was bright, but it did nothing to warm the cold feeling inside my chest.
As we drove, there was a comfortable silence at first — the kind that often fills early mornings. But then, as we were halfway to college, Papa glanced over at me while keeping his eyes on the road and asked gently,
"Rohan, is everything going well at college? Are you feeling comfortable there? You're settling in, right?"
His voice was calm, caring — full of that soft concern only a father can have. It wasn't just a casual question. He genuinely wanted to know how I was doing.
And in that moment… I hesitated.
A part of me wanted to tell him the truth — that I felt lost. That I was distracted all the time, that my mind wandered to strange thoughts and confusing feelings I didn't understand. That I didn't know why I felt the way I did when Nikhil was around… or when Simmi and Ruhi talked about him. That I was questioning things about myself I had never dared to before.
But I looked at my father's face — calm, loving, unaware of the storm inside me — and I couldn't bring myself to tell him.
So I lied.
"Yes, Papa. Everything's fine," I said, forcing a smile. "College is good. I'm getting used to it."
He smiled, clearly relieved. "That's good to hear, beta. If you ever need help or just want to talk, you know I'm always here for you, right?"
I nodded, my throat tight. "I know, Papa. Thank you."
But deep inside, guilt tugged at me. I hated lying to him. He trusted me, and I couldn't even be honest about how I was really feeling. But how could I explain it to him when I didn't even fully understand it myself?
I stared out the window as the city passed by — buildings, trees, crowds of students — but I wasn't really seeing any of it. My mind was elsewhere, lost in thoughts I couldn't voice.
I didn't want to worry him. I didn't want to be a burden.
So I chose silence.
And as we neared the college gates, I silently promised myself…
One day, maybe. One day I'll be brave enough to tell him the truth.
But today wasn't that day.
To be continue.....