~JOEY
I never slept with Morgana.
When my wife went missing, the woman had slipped herself into my life so effortlessly that I didn't even notice over the worry of looking for my wife.
She came over to comfort me when I was falling apart, she cooked and cleaned the house. And she was always there.
I didn't pay any heed to her at first. I ignored her, my heart too full of grief at the loss of my wife.
But when reality called me, when I had to shed the cloak of grief and resume living, I was startled to see how close we had gotten.
Of course she came on to me. She wanted us to be together. Morgana claimed to have been in love with me for a long time, and that i deserved to have someone to keep my bed warm, now that my wife was no longer with me.
But I was an honourable man. She was my wife's friend, and Lydia liked her a lot. Sleeping with her, making her into someone that would replace my wife was something I wasn't capable of doing, so I had to reject her.
She eventually gave up. When Morgana saw that I was unwilling to sleep with her, she decided to be my best friend.
I tolerated her. She was nice. She made me feel less lonely just by being there.
And while I knew she was absolutely in love with me, I never ever accepted any of her advances.
Maybe I should have pushed her away. Maybe I should have set some boundaries between us.
Maybe if I had been more...wiser, I wouldn't be in this situation with my wife.
Lydia looked... disappointed, and the expression on her face made my heart clench with pain.
I shouldn't have let Morgana walk in. I should have turned her away at the door instead of letting her walk in and causing this weird tension between my wife and I.
"Answer my question, Joey," Lydia's quiet voice jolted me out of my head, and I fisted my hands at my side in an attempt to control my thoughts.
"I never cheated on you, Lydia. I did not sleep with Morgana. She was your friend. I wouldn't have done something like that. No matter what anyone said. No matter what the reports said. Hell, even if you had been dead like we all believed, I still wouldn't have," I managed to say, pushing the words past the lump in my throat.
Immediately I said those words though, I knew I had made a mistake.
Lydia's jaw dropped open.
"Dead? What do you mean, dead?" she asked, her voice taking on a very strange edge.
Shit.
She wasn't supposed to know about this. Not yet. Not like this. I was going to tell her once she was more stable and settled at home.
My fists clenched nervously as my wife narrowed her gaze at me.
Fuck Morgana for making me too nervous to guard my thoughts.
Hell, What was I thinking?
Morgana wasn't the one who just messed things up. I was.
I rubbed the back of my neck sheepishly, trying to figure out how to explain my slip up.
Lydia took a step closer to me, her eyes blazing with rage.
"Answer the damn question, Joey. What exactly, did you mean by that comment?" she asked again.
"You...you were pronounced dead. It was one year after you disappeared and everyone thought you were...dead. It wasn't a big deal. I was going to tell you later," I muttered, trying so hard to plead with her with my eyes.
"Not a big deal? NOT A BIG DEAL? I was fucking registered as a dead person. Every simple person who used to be associated with me still thinks I am dead, and you weren't planning on telling me? What the fuck, Joey?" she snapped, her chest heaving with anger.
There was a strange pressure on my chest. My heart squeezed painfully, and I could feel desperation clutching at me.
I had just fucked up so bad. Damnit.
"I...I am sorry, baby. I swear. I just wanted you to be settled and comfortable before I told you. I figured it would be too much for you to deal with. I am so so sorry," I pleaded.
Lydia scoffed at my words.
"Are you though? I don't know what to believe, Joey. You say you're my husband, and that you love me, but I genuinely don't know if I am supposed to believe you or not. You lie to me. You hide things from me. You bring a woman home and then go ahead to tell me that you are not sleeping with her."
She took a deep breath and continued before I could interrupt.
"Who are you, Joey? Are you who you tell me you are? Can I actually believe you? You know, I actually cannot help but wonder why I left you in the first place. Was it because you used to hit me? Should I be packing my stuff to run away from you rather than staying here? Are you my enemy?"she asked, and my heart shattered into a million pieces.
Her words were like the jagged edge of a broken glass, and they cut deep into my soul.
"I would never...you have to believe me, Lydia. I would never do all of these things to you. It is a very despicable habit to hit a woman. You are the love of my life, Lydia. I am not your enemy." My words came out soft and pained, and I was unable to mask how bad I was hurting.
My wife shook her head at me.
"Lydia," I said and took a step closer, but she took one away from me.
"Stay away from me, Joey. I don't know what to think, what to believe. I have no idea if I should believe you or not. I don't know anything, and I hate it so much. I hate myself for not remembering, for having to rely on you. And I have no idea if I should hate you or not," she whispered.
There was tears in her eyes, and without letting me say another word, my wife turned around, and walked out on me.
My legs gave out. I sank down the marble floor, holding my head in my hands. The door clicked behind Lydia, and my entire world crumbled.
What have I done?