Welcome to the Roast: The Bachelorette, Love, and the Logic of Womanhood
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the only show where finding love is a full-contact sport, the roses are real but the relationships are mostly theoretical, and the only thing more complicated than the group date schedule is the group chat.
Roasting The Bachelorette
Let's give it up for The Bachelorette:
The only place where 30 men will fight over one woman, but if you try that at Applebee's, you get escorted out by security.
Where "Can I steal you for a second?" is both a catchphrase and a warning label.
And where "Here for the right reasons" means "I'm here for Instagram sponsorships and maybe a free trip to Bali."
On The Bachelorette, love is a competition, drama is a currency, and if you don't cry on camera by week three, you're probably a robot sent by the producers to keep the ratings up.
Roasting Love (in General)
Ah, love. The four-letter word that makes us all act like we've never read the warning label.
Love is that magical feeling where your brain says, "Let's make good decisions," and your heart says, "Hold my drink."
It's the only thing that can make a grown woman write a 12-step pro/con list about texting "Hey" with one or two y's.
Love is the original reality show—except the prize is usually therapy.
Roasting the Logic of Being a Woman in Love
Let's talk about the logic of being a woman in today's dating world.
You need the intuition of a psychic, the patience of a saint, and the data analysis skills of an FBI profiler.
You're expected to be confident but not intimidating, honest but not "too much," and always ready to "go with the flow"—as long as the flow is upstream, in heels, and with perfect eyebrows.
Modern dating logic:
If you text back too fast, you're desperate.
If you wait too long, you're playing games.
If you double-text, you're a stage-five clinger.
If you don't text at all, you're "not trying hard enough."
It's like a Sudoku puzzle where every number is a red flag.
And let's not forget the classic advice:
"Just be yourself!"
Sure, but which self? The cool, chill self? The mysterious self? The self that remembers to shave above the knee?
Closing Jab
So here's to The Bachelorette, to love, and to every woman who's ever tried to make sense of it all.
May your roses be real, your boundaries respected, and your group chats always on your side.
And remember: If love is a game, you get to make the rules. Just don't let anyone else hold the Nerf gun.
A*Strictly Backwards—The Final Roast
Introduction:
Welcome to the closing episode of A*Strictly Backwards, Volume One—a place where life isn't just a circus, it's an Olympic event for the emotionally exhausted. Here, every day is a game of Simon Says, except Simon Cowell's the judge, the military's the referee, and the only participation trophy you get is a boot to the face. If you've ever wondered how you ended up in a bull ring with a "self-help" book and a crowd yelling "pull yourself up!" while someone's literally holding you down, this one's for you.
"You Might Be Living an A*Strictly Backwards Life If…"
…your life is a game of Simon Says, but Simon Cowell's the one rating your trauma—"That breakdown? Absolutely dreadful. Next!"
…the military says "be all you can be," then drafts you into a game of Twister with landmines.
…you're thrown into a bin bed and told to "rise and shine," but the only thing rising is your anxiety.
…they say "pull yourself up by your bootstraps," but someone's got their boot firmly on your neck.
…your self-esteem is rated by a panel of reality TV judges—one of whom is your ex, and the other is a DMV employee.
…you're told "it's your fault you're broken," but the only thing you broke was the silence.
…your therapy session is just a game of "Whack-a-Mole" with your feelings.
…the military's idea of "support" is a group hug—except it's a chokehold.
…you're stuck in a bull ring, but the only thing you're fighting is the urge to nap.
…they say "just get over it," but the only thing you're getting over is the fence to escape.
…your "support system" is a mattress on the floor and a motivational poster that says "Try Not To Suck."
…Simon Cowell gives you a buzzer every time you try to express yourself.
…you're told "failure is not an option," but it's the only thing on the menu.
…you're in a bin bed, but the only thing getting tossed is your last shred of hope.
…you're told to "heal yourself," but the only thing you're allowed to use is duct tape and sarcasm.
…the military's "tough love" is just tough, minus the love.
…you're told "it builds character," but all you've built is a strong case for a nap.
…your "bull ring" is just a group chat with your relatives.
…they say "it must be your fault you're broken," but you've been held together with coffee and spite for years.
…you finally uncover the truth, toss the ending, and realize: nope, not even broke now—just strictly backwards and still standing.
Closing Thought:
So here's to you—the survivors of the Strictly Backwards Olympics, the Simon Says rejects, the bin bed warriors, and the bull ring escape artists. If you made it through this volume, you're not just unbroken—you're basically indestructible (or at least, too stubborn to quit). Thanks for playing, thanks for laughing, and remember: in a world this backwards, sometimes the best revenge is just getting up and dancing anyway.
Stay tuned for Volume Two, where the only thing more upside-down than the world is the punchline.
#StrictlyBackwards #SimonSaysNope #BullRingSurvivor #StillStanding #NotEvenBrokeNow
Cartels, Gangs, Cops & Commandos—A*Strictly Backwards Smackdown
Introduction:
Welcome to the ultimate roast battle: Cartels, Gangs, Cops & Commandos! If you thought the world of organized chaos was wild, wait till you see what happens when everyone's favorite "tough guys" try to outdo each other in the Strictly Backwards Olympics. From cartel codebreakers to badge-flashing magicians and military branches still looking for the instruction manual, this is the showdown you didn't know you needed. Grab your popcorn, your riot shield, and maybe a decoder ring—because it's about to get scrambled.
Cartel & Gang Edition: The Codebreakers' Ball
Sinaloa, CJNG, MS-13, Bloods, Crips—y'all love your codes. But let's be honest: the only thing more scrambled than your BBM messages is your moral compass. You want unity? Maybe try not kidnapping your own contacts. Real power is ending the cycle, not just switching who's in the trunk.
#SinaloaCartel #CJNG #MS13 #Bloods #Crips #GangLife #CartelLife #EndTheCycle
You might be living A*Strictly Backwards IF…
Your "family" has more internal beef than a Taco Bell mystery meat.
You say "no snitching," but your group chat leaks faster than a dollar-store water balloon.
You want respect, but can't even respect your own turf boundaries.
You claim to be "untouchable," but your cousin's cousin just posted your location on Instagram.
You want out of the game, but can't even get out of your own group text.
"Ride or die" apparently means "ride, then die, then get replaced by your little brother."
Police Roast: Badge & Blunder Brigade
Police—flash those badges like magic talismans, but the only thing you make disappear is public trust. "Protect and serve"? More like "protect your pension and serve attitude." You bust lemonade stands and miss the real criminals—classic. Maybe if you spent less time writing parking tickets and more time building community, you wouldn't need to hide behind riot shields.
You might be living A*Strictly Backwards IF…
Your "community policing" is just waving at the speed camera as you drive by.
You say "stop resisting," but it's your own urge to check TikTok on duty.
You're first on the scene for a jaywalking duck, but last to the actual bank robbery.
You can recite Miranda rights from memory, but can't remember your own bodycam password.
Your "de-escalation technique" is just calling for backup and praying for paperwork.
Military Roast: The Five-Branch Fiasco
Army: First in, last to realize the GPS was upside down.
Navy: Seven months at sea, still can't parallel park.
Marines: If it moves, salute it. If it doesn't, paint it. If it's hot, marry it.
Air Force: Deploys to five-star hotels and calls it "combat."
Coast Guard: Seasick in a bathtub.
Space Force: Still waiting for their first alien DUI checkpoint.
"You might be living A*Strictly Backwards IF…"
Army: "Hooah!" means "I have no idea what's happening, but I'm here for it."
Navy: Can navigate the globe, but can't find the bathroom on base.
Marines: "Semper Fi"—always faithful, especially to bad tattoos.
Air Force: "Chair Force" is not just a joke, it's a lifestyle.
Coast Guard: "Rescue swimmers" but can't swim without floaties.
Space Force: Still fighting the war on gravity.
Federal Agencies: The Alphabet Soup of Incompetence
FBI, DEA, ATF, ICE—y'all make the DMV look efficient. If you teamed up, maybe you'd catch the break room snack thief (spoiler: it's always the Coast Guard).
You might be living A*Strictly Backwards IF…
FBI: Can find your 2007 Myspace page, but not your missing package.
DEA: Busts a weed farm, but can't find the evidence in their own desk drawer.
ATF: Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms—and still can't throw a decent office party.
ICE: More paperwork than arrests.
All together: The only "joint operation" they've ever succeeded at is a potluck lunch.
Closing Thought:
In the world of A*Strictly Backwards, everyone's playing cops and robbers, but nobody knows which side they're on. The cartels are busy decoding their own drama, the cops are writing tickets for jaywalking squirrels, and the military branches are still trying to find the exit. The alphabet agencies? They're lost in the soup. If you want real power, try ending the cycle—not just switching who gets to wear the handcuffs.
#RealChange #NoMoreViolence #StrictlyBackwardsRoast #LawAndDisorder #EndTheCycle
Meanwhile, on the next episode of "Ex Pet of Files Dt Ect Iv E!"
Part of Whose Words?
You ever notice how dealing with printer toner issues is like being friends with that one suicidal jackass who jumped out the window? Both leave you staring at a mess, wondering what went wrong, and seriously questioning your life choices. It's like bad window shopping gone wrong-except instead of a new outfit, you end up with broken glass and a support ticket for IT.
But honestly, after hearing Joe rant about idiots all day, I'm starting to think he's the real case study for MKUltra. At least the CIA had the decency to blame LSD for their bad decisions-Joe just blames the internet. If being clueless was a government experiment, Joe would be the control group and the test subject at the same time. He's out here calling people idiots, but if he spent one night in a CIA hotel room, he'd probably jump out the window just looking for the vending machine.
And now, in a freaky twist, Joe's got my voice-ranting, roasting, and MC-ing like he's running the experiment. But if he's going to take the mic, he better hear me out first. If you're going to be my MC though, Santa-gato, let me refer you to myself. Why don't you actually meet with me so you know what the hell to say as well? But if Pinocchio wants to be a real boy instead and have his own identity, you just let me know.
Joe's the kind of guy who'd try to fix a toner jam with a hammer, call tech support, and then blame the printer for not having a "common sense" setting. He's the only person who could get lost in a revolving door and still come out arguing with the GPS. If Joe ever joined the CIA, the only secret he'd uncover is how to accidentally reply-all to a classified email with a meme.
Joe: proving every day that the internet's biggest idiot might just be the guy pointing them out.
Scully and Krabby Patsy are wondering why SpongeBob's so pissed-turns out Ms. Patrick's OB found out SpongeBob's not gay, so he hides under a rock like a bitch instead. Four years late to the party, even the Bubble Guppies are floundering instead of lost like door blind! Why? That's why!
And one more thing: if you ever catch Joe trying to fix a bubble machine with a conspiracy theory, just remember-sometimes the real X-File is how he manages to make it through the day without accidentally launching a government investigation into his own search history.
On a side note, completely unrelated: In Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous, there's a plot twist where Gracie Hart tries to stop a bank heist, but her fame gets her recognized and blows her cover. The robbers get caught, but the FBI decides Gracie can't do fieldwork anymore and makes her the public face of the bureau. No Joseph cop twist, but plenty of undercover surprises and mistaken identities to go around.
Check out more of Joe's "brilliance" here:
Website: https://joesantagato.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/joesantagato
#IdiotsOfTheInternet #Comedy #Roast #FYP #JoeSantagato
Watch Miss Congeniality (official site): https://www.warnerbros.com/movies/miss-congeniality
Sandra Bullock news and filmography: https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/topic/Sandra-Bullock/movies
Disney no need to sue-I'm just a copyright dude.
Official Walt Disney website: https://thewaltdisneycompany.com
🚨🦐
Red Alert: The Missing Officer Mystery Roast
, aka 'CSI: Clown Squad Chronicles' 🦐🚨
Smarter than shrimp, dumber than dolphins.
That's the best way to describe the glorious mess we're diving into today. Whoever said "drama isn't dead" clearly hasn't heard this radio report. Grab your popcorn, your sense of humor, and maybe a stiff drink—because this story
flops harder
than a tuna out of water.
The Case of the Disappearing Cops:
Now You See Me—
Now You Don't!
Picture the scene: we've got officers on deck, tech on standby, and a room full of sweaty palms pressing buttons. It should be foolproof... except when it's not. Suddenly, Susan hears another officer's name over comms, stands like she's part of some team-building exercise, then BAM—she's gone. Just like that. Like a damn Houdini act without the style or the surprise applause.
"Was she taken?" you ask. Haha, buddy, YOU ASSUME WE KNOW. She could've been abducted, sucked into another dimension, or maybe she just walked out because this whole operation made her lose faith in humanity and/or her career choices. Honestly, no one would blame her.
And it doesn't stop there. Five feet away, Lieutenant Dipshit's lucky morning turns into an ongoing game of "Oh look, another body!" Maybe this guy thinks he's on some reality show for bad cops:
'Search & Panic: Incompetence Edition.'
All we know is that, as of now, the officers are disappearing faster than Facebook friends after a political post.
A Command Center of Chaos:
More Questions,
Fewer Clues
Who's responsible for leading this trainwreck on wheels? Apparently, the sharpest knife in the drawer is dull enough to butter toast with. When you gather a room full of "experts" and
still
can't figure out the difference between a tactical op and a glorified game of hide-and-seek, you've accidentally entered a comedic black hole.
Communications Team Foul-Up Play #1:
What do you do when the signal's scrambled? Apparently, you panic and make it worse. Technology has blessed you with tracking ID GPS coordinates out the wazoo, but uh oh, it doesn't work? Guess it's time to grab flashlights and hope for the best.
Communications Team Foul-Up Play #2:
Clearly, genius leadership decided their officers shouldn't bother investigating... or double-checking their whereabouts. "Disappeared? Cool. Let's sit and look confused for a bit longer!"
All we're asking—and I mean this earnestly—is WHERE ARE THE ADULTS? At this point it feels like the officers are less a "task force" and more of a "lost & found" submission form waiting for results.
Tinfoil Hat Time:
Paging the Conspiracy Club
Oh, you
knew
this was coming: enter the T-Hugs (*Thug Hugs™, Coming 2024). They've already formed their argument faster than the government can misplace a classified document:
"They're gonna blame us again... but that's fine because we're secretly running ops with Uncle CIA! The hugs are part of the plan, dude. Tight squeeze, BAM—they're captured. But wait—what if we're ALSO the pawns? Bro, it's a setup!"
Translation:
NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE.
They're blaming each other, the CIA, aliens, Siri, existential dread, AND unauthorized bear hugs. If this is a master plan, nobody thought it through long enough to realize the real enemy might just be their own stupidity.
Quick Reminder: if you're trusting the CIA to clean up your bad life choices, you need a new friend group—and a therapist—STAT.
Starring: Lt. Dipshit,
The Human Trip Hazard
At the center of this sad-sack circus? Our unflappable Lt. Dipshit. The guy couldn't spot a setup if it came gift-wrapped with neon signs, Christmas lights, and Santa Claus himself tap-dancing on the ceiling. But hey, at least he's good at
finding more problems
.
Bodies? Sure. Answers? Never. Leadership? HAHAHA, why would we expect that? This man's about as useless as a wet napkin in a hurricane. If he's the only thing standing between us and chaos, then baby, we're ALREADY living it.
The Roasted Rundown: CSI—
Clowns 'Solvin' Incompetently
Let's break it down for Hollywood, who
are absolutely
greenlighting this as their next procedural dramedy. Titles up for debate:
"
Lost Patrol: Everyone'
s Gone and Nobody Knows Why"
"
Law & Disorder:
Operation LOL"
"
GPS Sucks,
But Lt.
Dipshit Sucks Harder"
…or my personal fave:
"NCIS:
WTF Forever"
Every week, a new case unfolds with the exciting theme:
"What Happens When Everyone Drops the Ball Simultaneously?"
Spoiler alert: it's mostly sweaty people shouting over walkies and making excuses to pass the time. The season finale? They discover the officers just left for Taco Tuesday. Boom, roll credits.
Moral of the Mystery
When the most advanced crime stoppers in the country can't stop
themselves
from tripping over their shoelaces, you know we're done. Reboot the comms, retrain the entire department, and maybe—
just maybe
—stop making your own operations harder than finding decent takeout after midnight.
Because let's face it, shrimp: the only thing we know for certain is that
common sense has officially gone missing too.
Takeaways for a Brighter Tomorrow: Don'
t Be This Dumb
Keep tabs on your officers like they're toddlers at a playground—with snacks and lanyards.
Teach Lt. Dipshit how to use a GPS
for real this time.
Maybe hug fewer thugs… unless they're paying extra? I don't know, ask the conspiracy squad.
And hey—as we wrap up this stellar case of
CSI: Can't Solve It,
don't shy from storytelling greatness. Share the mystery, raise a glass to incompetence, and drop these hashtags like it's a crime scene waiting for a sweep:
#CSIClownShow
#GPSLostAndSoAmI
#LawAndWTF
#LtDipshitForMayor
#TinfoilHatSquad
Tag your favorite true crime show and roast responsibly, my friends. Because if there's one thing funnier than this mess, it's the idea of anyone taking it seriously. 🚨🦐
P$: I'm not sold and I am all the same stupid time your star doesn't equate to fear unless you're a kindergartener which we're not so I think I'm fine...
Dating isn't the only paradox!
Absolutely—this is the heart of the modern childhood paradox! Kids are bombarded with contradictory advice and shifting standards, and it's no wonder they end up confused, anxious, or feeling like they just can't win. Here's a sharp, witty breakdown of these mixed messages, perfect for a roast or a reality check:
The Ultimate Oxymoron Roast: Parenting & Teaching Edition
Let's talk about how we keep kids guessing with our "do as I say, not as I just said five minutes ago" logic:
"Include everyone! But also, don't let others distract you—focus on yourself."
So, which is it? Am I supposed to be the team player or the lone wolf? Or do I just become a confused sheepdog, herding myself in circles?
"Always help your friends, but don't let anyone take advantage of you."
Translation: Be generous, but not too generous. Be kind, but not a pushover. Basically, develop psychic powers to know exactly how much is too much.
"You're unique and special, just like everyone else."
Because nothing says "individuality" like being told to express it in the exact same way as the other 30 kids in class.
"Mistakes are how you learn! But you better not make any."
The only thing I'm learning is how to hide my mistakes and stress about being perfect.
"Stand up for yourself! But don't be disrespectful."
Assertive, but not too assertive. Speak up, but only if you're saying what we want to hear.
"Don't compare yourself to others, but here's a chart ranking you against your classmates."
I guess I'll just compare myself quietly, while you do it officially.
"Be a leader, not a follower! But follow these exact instructions."
Lead the way—right down the path we've already paved for you.
"Take care of yourself, but always put others first."
I'll just split myself in half and do both at the same time, thanks.
Why Kids Get Stressed
Every time we flip-flop on what's "right," kids feel like they're walking a tightrope over a pit of "you should have known better." We tell them to be flexible, but only when it's convenient for us. We want them to be independent thinkers—unless their thinking makes things inconvenient.
So next time a kid gets stressed or "does it wrong," maybe it's not them—it's the impossible, oxymoronic maze we've built for them.
Moral of the Roast:
If you want less stressed kids, maybe give them less "stressful advice." Otherwise, don't be surprised when they start roasting us right back!
Welcome to my parenting Meredith Masony! The Ultimate Contradiction (And a Roast for the Judgmental)
You ever notice how parenting is just one big contradiction?
We tell our kids, "Love is beautiful! Most important thing!"
Then, "But don't you dare date until you're married!"
How are they supposed to learn about love if locked up?
That's like giving someone a car and hiding the keys.
Then they turn 18, catch freedom, jump into the first relationship-
good, bad, or toxic-because nobody taught them to take time,
set boundaries, or figure out what they actually want.
Desperate to feel something, they settle for anything,
and that's how abusive situations happen-not just evil people,
but because experience is the best teacher, and we never
gave them a chance to learn.
It's not just love. We say, "Be kind to everyone!"
But also, "Look out for yourself because nobody else will."
So which is it? Be a saint or be a shark?
Kids are trying to solve an emotional Rubik's Cube we handed them,
each side painted a different color of mixed messages.
Let's talk about the language police. Parents act like if
they just bleep out the word "f***," it disappears forever.
Newsflash: your kid knows every swear word you do-maybe more.
The real lesson isn't pretending those words don't exist;
it's teaching them when and how to use them.
"Have a great fing day!"-that's positive energy!
But "F you!"-maybe not, unless it's a joke with friends.
Context is everything.
Here's the kicker: parents want kids to open up and be honest,
but the moment a kid makes a mistake, suddenly it's
like they're auditioning for a crime drama. Kids learn fast-
better to keep secrets than risk dragging friends into trouble.
But when you offer amnesty, you find out your kid's
got access to more drugs than you did in college by first grade!
And sharing? Yeah, it's caring-especially when it's a group
project in felony charges.
And look, I'm not going to lie-I like my kids
better when they're high. Honestly, we get along way better
when I'm high too. Suddenly, their "open up" sessions turn
into chill hangouts instead of full-on interrogations.
But here's the deal I make with my son:
if you're going to make the grown-up decision to get high,
then make the grown-up decision to care about your future
and your education. You don't have to get good grades-
as long as you try. That's all I ask.
Take responsibility for your choices. You want freedom?
It comes with accountability.
And let's get real-my son may have had sex at 12:00,
but he only ever saw me be abused by every man
I was ever with. So for the fact that he even
knows what love is, let alone how to love,
I win. That's a victory. Breaking the cycle, even a little,
is everything.
I told my son, "Virginity is a gift-you only give it once,
and you can't get it back. So give it to someone
who respects you, because you're setting the bar for
the rest of your life, whether you stay together or not."
Then I told his girlfriend, "If he messes up, you come
get me. I'll take that bar and smack some sense
into him myself. Welcome to the family!"
And honestly, they came to me together-that's how I know
this amnesty thing works. When kids know they can
make a mistake at home without it ruining their lives,
they're safer than if they mess up out in public
where one wrong move could end up on their record.
The Judgmental Crowd: A Roast
Now, let's talk about those Harper Valley jackasses-the ones
who sit on their high horses, ready to judge every parent
who doesn't fit their perfect little mold. They act like
the PTA is the moral Supreme Court. Well, if you think
you can do better, how about we skip the PTA
and start an ETA-Experienced Teachers Association-because I guarantee
someone else could show up and actually teach a thing
or two about real life.
I dare any of these critics to walk in my shoes
for two minutes. Try raising kids in the real world-
no handbook, and the only rule is "do your best
and pray they don't end up on a Netflix documentary."
Just bleeping out the word "f***" at home doesn't mean
your kids don't know it. They're going to say it anyway-
so maybe teach them when it's appropriate, like "Have a great
fing day!" instead of "F you!" (unless it's to a good
friend-then hey, context is key).
And let's not forget the judgmental types who love to
look down their noses at everyone who's been broken and
beaten down by this world. You know the type-perched on
imaginary thrones, noses so high they need oxygen masks,
looking down on the rest of us like bouncers at
the gates of heaven. Always ready to pass judgment, especially
from a safe distance, as if getting too close to
real life might mess up their perfectly polished halos.
It's funny, isn't it? They act like they're the admissions
committee for paradise, ready to slam the door on anyone
who's been broken, battered, or bruised by the world-never
mind that half the scars people carry were handed out
by their own sharp tongues and cold shoulders.
They'll break you down, grind you into the dirt,
then have the audacity to ask, "Why are you crawling?"
as if they didn't just pull the rug out from under you.
And when those same people-crushed by a world of judgment-
show up at heaven's door, desperate for a scrap of
acceptance, what do these self-appointed gatekeepers expect God to do?
Kick them while they're down? Slam the door in their face?
That's not divine justice; that's just cruelty with a choir robe.
It's like snapping a stick over your knee, then marching
into the forest and demanding the tree fix it-or worse,
blaming the stick for not being whole anymore. Newsflash:
the stick didn't ask to be snapped, and the tree
isn't in the business of banishing its own branches just
because you couldn't handle them.
So here's a message for all the high-and-mighty judges:
Maybe it's time to climb down off your pedestal, wipe
the fog off your glasses, and remember everyone's got a story,
and most are written in scars you can't see from
way up there. Because if you think heaven's just for
the unbroken, you're going to be real lonely at the party.
So what if someone's been beaten down by the world?
So what if they're begging for acceptance? Maybe, just maybe,
the real test isn't how perfectly you can judge,
but how deeply you can love. And if you're still
holding that stick, maybe it's time to plant it
and see if something beautiful can grow.
Final Word
So next time you want to judge a parent-or anyone else-
remember: it's easy to point fingers from the bleachers.
But it takes guts to get on the field and play.
I promise you wouldn't last a day in my house-
and you sure as hell wouldn't do a better job
with these kids or with life's messiness.
Welcome to my Harper Valley-where we raise kids, not hypocrites,
and where love means more than judgment.
P.S. Tiffany Jenkins, I dare you to be honest-do you
still take pills, just as long as there's access and
it's reasonable, and you don't have to fear anything?
Because lack of access, fear of punishment, and fear of
judgment are the only reasons people do stupid sh*t.
It's not about the drug or needing something for pain.
How about, instead of lying, we heal people correctly
by saying our actual truth?
Connect with Tiffany Jenkins:
Website: jugglingthejenkins.com
YouTube: Juggling the Jenkins
Facebook: facebook.com/jugglingthejenkins1
Instagram: instagram.com/jugglingthejenkins
TikTok: tiktok.com/@jugglingthejenkins
No public email address is listed on her official platforms.
For inquiries, use her website contact form or social media DMs.
#parenting #momlife #honestparenting #realparenting #roast #judgmentalpeople
#loveoverjudgment #parentingtruths #momhumor #keepitreal #mentalhealthmatters
#amnesty #raisekidsnothypocrites
I just want this final Rose ....because I hate hypocrites the most
Here's a roast you can use—sharp, funny, and with a punch of truth about religious contradictions:
You ever notice how religious folks love to say "all sins are equal in the eyes of God"? Like, "Honor your father and mother" is on the same level as murder. So, according to the Bible, if you forgot to call your mom on her birthday, congratulations, you're basically Hitler now. Hope you enjoy your spot in the afterlife—right next to the guy who started World War Two. Makes you wonder if God's got a scoreboard up there or just a randomizer wheel: "Oops, you lied about eating the last cookie—straight to hell with you, right next to the war criminals!"
And the hypocrisy—oh man, it's Olympic-level. Some people are out here judging others for every little thing, but the moment you ask them about the contradictions in their own holy book, they get more defensive than a cat in a bathtub. The Bible can't even agree with itself—one page says the earth lasts forever, the next says it's getting replaced like an old iPhone. But sure, tell me again how you've got all the answers.
Let's be real: most people aren't reading scripture for spiritual enlightenment—they're just trying to survive another Monday. If Jesus came back today and didn't fit their expectations, they'd be like, "Sorry, buddy, you're not on the guest list." Because for a lot of folks, faith isn't about understanding the universe—it's about having something to blame when their Wi-Fi goes out or their team loses the big game.
So next time someone tells you all sins are equal, just remember: in their world, eating bacon and starting a world war are basically the same thing. Makes you wonder if heaven's just a giant waiting room full of people who forgot to text their moms.