The classroom floated on a lake of condensed qi, tethered to the mountain only by prayer flags and six spiritual fish chains. Inside, thirty first-year cultivators sat stiffly on flying cushions, surrounded by glowing orbs and floating scrolls. Each desk came equipped with a soul-linked abacus, a qi-calibrated notepad, and—oddly—a fire extinguisher.
Zhao Tian slouched in the back row, arms folded, desk trembling beneath the passive weight of his overflowing cultivation.
Yin Xue'er sat beside him, calm and silent. Her presence repelled attention like an invisible chill. But Zhao? He was the eye of a system storm.
[Class Schedule: Spirit Spreadsheet Basics — Instructor: Elder Chi Hong, Department of Administrative Dao.]
A wrinkled woman in red silk and talisman-rimmed glasses hovered onto the platform. With one clap, the room fell silent. Orbs dimmed. Even the background music faded.
"Welcome, juniors. Today, you will learn how to balance spirit energy budgets and track sect contribution points using DaoSheets™."
Half the class groaned. The other half tried to fake sudden illness.
Zhao Tian reached for his SpiritPhone, but a sharp [Ping!] nearly deafened him.
[Upper Tier Providence System: Warning. Skipping class leads to minor misfortune — likely bowel-related.]
[DNA System: Suggestion — pay attention. Spreadsheet accuracy improves genetic evolution predictions.]
[Harem System: Reminder — classroom charm is crucial. Prove yourself academically!]
[Corporate Cultivation System: Alert — Managing DaoSheets boosts corporate leadership stats.]
Zhao sighed. "Fine. I'll play along."
His DaoSheet hovered before him, flashing columns like soulbound Excel.
Zhao Tian – DaoSheet v1.0
Qi Reserves: 999,999,999 (Capped)
Merit Points: 200
Harem Points: 30
Lovers: 0/9
Destiny Stock Portfolio: +89%
Soul Interest Rate: 666% (Pending Harem Quota)
"Everyone," Elder Chi Hong said, "enter your base cultivation output into cell D3."
A dozen students immediately triggered spiritual errors, causing their abacuses to spark.
Zhao sighed and typed: ∞.
The DaoSheet crashed.His desk exploded into rainbow fire.A student two rows up spontaneously evolved into a raccoon.
[Upper Tier Providence System: Host's misfortune redirected to random peer. You're welcome.]
"Zhao Tian!" Elder Chi Hong narrowed her eyes. "Explain why your qi output broke a ten-thousand-year-old spreadsheet program."
He stood, brushing ash from his spirit skirt.
"I have an overclocked soul. It's a factory defect. Blame the Dao."
A wave of laughter rippled through the room. Even Elder Chi Hong twitched her lips.
[Harem System: Public Wit +10. Classroom Presence +5. Female Affection Ripple Effect: Moderate.]
Before the teacher could assign soul detention, the intercom chimed:
[Announcement: Harem Compliance Audit begins in 30 minutes. All unregistered system hosts must report to the Hall of Romantic Justice.]
Zhao blinked.
"Harem Compliance Audit?"
Yin Xue'er turned, amused. "Didn't read your system agreement?"
"No! I was busy being forcibly reincarnated and genderbent by nine warring cheat codes."
[Harem System: Reminder — failure to register at least one lover by the end of Day 1 will result in forfeiture of soul privileges.]
"Forfeiture?!"
[Clarification: Soul privileges include memory, sanity, and your favorite noodle flavor.]
Zhao bolted from the classroom.
[Scene: Hall of Romantic Justice — East Cloud Pavilion]
The structure stood like a wedding altar mated with a courtroom. Heart-shaped banners flapped in spiritual wind. Dozens of new students were lined up—some confused, others panicked, a few hopeful.
Inside, glowing screens judged harem statuses. One cultivator burst into tears as his "girlfriend" turned out to be an illusion talisman. Another was immediately paired with their spirit beast (awkward).
Zhao approached the registrar, a cupid-like elder with a clipboard and laser eyes.
"Name?" the elder asked.
"Zhao Tian."
The screen behind him displayed an empty heart diagram.
[Harem System Report: 0/9 Lovers Registered. Emergency Classification: Terminally Single.]
"You've registered zero lovers," the elder said flatly. "You're flagged for Soul Repossession Protocol."
"I've been here for six hours!"
"Excuses are not affection."
A bell rang. A red door opened. The screen flashed: EMERGENCY HAREM TRIAL – COMMENCING.
Zhao was dragged into the arena by two monks in romantic-themed armor.
[Scene: Trial of Romantic Fate]
The arena was a circular coliseum where pink mist formed hearts in the air. A crowd of spirit scholars, elders, and nosy students watched from illusion projection. On the opposite side stood…
…five girls.
Zhao's eyes narrowed. Each was a first-year beauty, hand-picked by the Harem System.
Profiles appeared above them:
1. Qian Shu – Alchemy Prodigy, Tsundere Temper, Explosive Affection Level2. Mei Lin – Spirit Beast Tamer, Bunny Ears, Wants a Protector3. Fang Xi – Sword Cultivator, Ice Queen Type, Collects Swords & Debt4. Ning Yue – Corporate Heiress, Wants to Own the MC5. Lan Er – School Idol, Secretly a Heavenly Spy
[Harem System: Select one target and win their favor within 15 minutes. Failure = soul termination.]
A mic talisman hovered in front of him.
Zhao Tian exhaled.
"Good afternoon, ladies. Before we begin, I'd like to make one thing very clear."
He snapped his fingers. His Upper Tier aura flared.
"I am Zhao Tian, former Supreme God of the Ninefold Cosmos, now trapped in a ridiculous schoolgirl's body because reality can't handle how awesome I am."
He raised a hand.
"Also—I make excellent dumplings."
Lan Er blinked.
"You make dumplings?"
"They're very fluffy," Zhao said seriously.
Mei Lin's ears perked. Qian Shu crossed her arms.
"You think charisma alone will win us over?" she snapped.
"No," Zhao replied. "But charisma, dumplings, and passive reality-warping aura probably will."
He strolled over to Qian Shu and handed her a glowing peach. It healed her hangover from last night's pill refining.
[Harem Progress: Qian Shu Affection +15.]
Then he pet Mei Lin's rabbit. It instantly evolved into a Holy Thunder Beast.
[Harem Progress: Mei Lin Affection +20.]
To Fang Xi, he offered a celestial-grade sword. "It hums aggressively. Like your personality."
She took it. Smirked. [Affection +10.]
Ning Yue received stock in DaoMart™. [Corporate Affection +30.]
Lan Er tilted her head. "And me?"
Zhao smiled.
"I know you're a spy. But you haven't reported me. That counts for something."
[Harem Progress: Lan Er Affection +12. Trust +1.]
The system chimed.
[Achievement Unlocked: Speedrun Harem Recruitment. Lovers Registered: 5/9. Harem Points +50.]
The arena dissolved. Zhao found himself back in the hallway, five new contacts in his SpiritPhone, and his soul intact.
[Later That Evening – Dorm Rooftop]
Zhao sat with Yin Xue'er under the spirit moon, legs crossed, gaze on the stars. His SpiritPhone buzzed with messages—fan letters, duel requests, death threats, marriage proposals, and coupon codes.
[SpiritPhone Notification: "You've just been ranked #12 on the Most Eligible Cultivators List."]
Yin Xue'er sipped her tea. "So. Half your quota already?"
"Not intentionally," Zhao muttered. "I just... was myself. Which apparently qualifies as dating."
She tilted her head. "Do you even want a harem?"
He was silent for a long moment. Then:
"I wanted peace. Maybe open a quiet noodle shop. But the systems gave me romance quotas, destiny obligations, CEO roles, and spontaneous shrine maiden transformations. So now, I survive. With style."
She smirked. "You're lucky I hate complicated men."
"Then you're going to loathe me by tomorrow."
They watched as fireworks bloomed over the academy—celebrating Spirit Spreadsheet Top Scores. Zhao's desk had ranked #1 despite exploding.
[Achievement Unlocked: Academic Legend (Accidental).]
Yin Xue'er rose.
"Tomorrow is the Sect Draft. All major sects will try to recruit top students."
Zhao blinked. "Aren't we, like, two days into school?"
"This is Cultivation High School," she said. "Time has no meaning."
Zhao Tian sighed, then smirked.
"Let's see who dares recruit the chaotic, dumpling-wielding, spreadsheet-breaking goddess I've become."
The moonlight glinted off his SpiritPhone as new alerts appeared.
[Mission Update: Survive the Sect Draft. Side Goal: Cause at least three public scandals.]
[Reward: +1 Lover Slot Unlocked. Harem Capacity increases to 10.]
He grinned.
Challenge accepted.