Well, well… I didn't think monkey meat would be such a damn delicacy. Uhm… Nice.
Our favorite disaster of a protagonist—Kaito Asami, aka "The Jade Young Master of Coconut Island"—was now fully immersed in his divine banquet.
He was eating.
Then cooking.
Then eating again.
Then back to cooking.
All while growling like a starving tiger with a tapeworm.
"WHAT IN THE TRUCK-KUN REALITY IS THIS?! IT'S BEEN 46 DAMN HOURS! Where did all that monkey meat GO?"
"I roasted baboon thighs, grilled chimpy ribs, boiled gorilla guts… but I'm still starving! My stomach's a black hole! Am I secretly Big Mom's long-lost son?!"
And then came the horror.
"AND WHY! WHY DID I NOT GO TO THE BATHROOM EVEN ONCE?! WHAT KIND OF REVERSE ALCHEMY IS THIS?! Food goes in, but NOTHING comes out?! Are my organs converting calories into delusion?!"
He clutched his stomach like a dramatic anime villain about to self-destruct.
"Let me tell you all—those monkeys had enough meat to feed a small country. If one of those beast corpses was auctioned in Mariejois, the Celestial Dragons would cry tears of gold. AND YET—I ATE IT ALL."
Sighing in defeat, he stumbled toward the coconut trees again.
"This is it. Just two more hours of this punishment left. I need more food fast or I'll transform into Big Mom 2.0 and start talking to swords and teapots."
"Here I come, you hairy molesters. Round two begins now!"
⸻
[MASSACRE OF THE MONKEYS – STUPID STYLE]
Kaito leapt into battle like a possessed blender.
He kicked a baboon in the face mid-air, screamed "TAEKWONKUNG!", and headbutted another one while quoting Shakespeare.
"You dare resist, hairy mongrel? Say goodbye to your jungle thiccness!"
One tried to run, but he grabbed its tail, spun it like a fidget spinner, and threw it like a flaming meteor into a tree.
BOOM! KO!
He bit into roasted monkey rib #782 and sighed with bliss.
⸻
[TWO HOURS LATER]
"Ahhhh… finally. I'm not hungry. My soul is quiet. My stomach has stopped declaring war."
"And… oho? This body… I've gotten stronger. I can feel it. My punches have more weight, my body feels lighter… I crushed those baboons like a dad spanking his kids in public."
He flexed.
Admired his lean muscles.
Admired himself a bit too long in his reflection.
"Not bad, not bad. This young master hereby forgives 2% of your sins, you cursed death perk."
…
"…What, no response? Right. Talking to a brain-dead passive ability. I really have no friends."
⸻
[NEXT STEP: COIN TOSS DESTINY]
"So. What now? Do I explore the island more, risking death by megafauna… or continue secret training until I can finally slash like a proper anime protagonist?"
"Grey for 'train like a masochist'. Black for 'fight like a lunatic'."
He flipped a shiny stone.
Grey.
"Alright! Training arc, baby. Let's unlock plot armor manually."
And so, Kaito began his full-focus grind.
He practiced sword swings day and night.
He trained Observation Haki while blindfolded and insulted monkeys to force danger precognition.
He did 100 pushups, 100 sit-ups, 100 squats, and ran until he puked coconut water.
"I shall make Zoro call me 'Senpai'… mark my words!"
⸻
[6 MONTHS LATER]
A wild, handsome savage with platinum hair and ragged clothes was now seen riding a massive wolf-dog hybrid, which looked more traumatized than a Marine facing Kaido.
The poor creature was shaking like it had PTSD from just existing near him.
"Yo, Little Husky! You trembling again? Don't be scared—I'm a very benevolent overlord. This jade young master is merciful! Probably."
The wolf didn't move.
Probably because Kaito had beat it in a 1v1 fistfight and made it his mount.
"Sigh… I've hit the wall. Training here won't take me further. My sword skills are cool, but I haven't entered the stone-splitting realm yet. I need real mentorship."
"Zoro's hometown—Shimotsuki Village. That Koshiro guy. He might help me get there. But just saying—if Kuina is there and older, this young master may consider giving her some 'sword polishing lessons' if you know what I mean."
⸻
[THE CURSED PERK TORTURE MONTHS]
"You know what I don't miss? That perk."
"Let me summarize what that dumb roulette perk did to me over 6 months, minus the one time it gave me Navy Six-Style training manual."
1. Every animal fell in love with him for 48 hours — including a parrot that wouldn't stop moaning his name.
2. Got stuck in a loop where he kept respawning 1 meter above the river—face-first, ten times.
3. Randomly started barking whenever he got excited. (Lasted 3 days.)
4. Attracted every poisonous bug in a 20-mile radius. Used 3 coconuts to swat mosquitoes.
5. Body turned temporarily magnetic. Got chased by every metal scrap in the forest. Even his sword tried to stab him.
"Rat God… you watching this? Are you entertained? Is this your 'Truman Show'? Bastard."
⸻
[ESCAPE ARC BEGINS]
But finally, the day had come.
He'd spent a month preparing a makeshift raft using hardened vines, logs, bamboo, and ungodly levels of spit-and-hope engineering.
He'd packed:
• 3 weeks' worth of dried meat
• 40 coconuts
• Clean water
• And some flint, ropes, and a fishing hook made of sharpened bone.
"It's time. Goodbye, hellhole. You won't be missed."
He walked toward the beach, turned one last time toward Little Husky.
"Don't cry now. This young master will return one day. Maybe with a fleet. Or a flying ship. Or a sea princess."
The wolf howled one last time.
Possibly in relief.
⸻
TO BE CONTINUED…
————-
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