The morning light of the classroom there in Kyoto, filtered high through the large windows, casting warm stripes of light across the floor.
Gojo-sensei, as always, was leaning against the desk with his usual relaxed posture, wearing sunglasses despite being indoors.
I yawned, covering my mouth with one hand. I hadn't slept much, but I kept the composure needed to hide it. I wore a baggy hoodie, my hair tied back in a simple ponytail, and my gaze straight ahead, fixed only in front of me.
A few rows ahead, Toge, Maki, and Yuta were whispering quietly. I immediately noticed that Toge looked paler than usual, the dark circles under his eyes pronounced, his hands clenched into fists. Maki turned slightly, scrutinizing me. Her eyes, sharp and alert, pinned me with a silent question. But the voice came anyway.
"Why did you ask to switch partners?"
I didn't answer. I simply turned and walked toward a desk at the back of the room—the only free seat next to Yuji and Megumi. He gave me a half-smile and a welcoming nod. I sat down next to him without saying a word.
Gojo-sensei noticed the change in seating but didn't ask any questions. His sharp gaze passed once over Toge. Then over me.
Something was clear to him, I was sure of it—but he let things unfold on their own.
"Well then… today's lesson is on the history of innate techniques!" he exclaimed with a wide smile. "No fights, no danger… just pure, deadly boredom. Just how you like it."
A couple of laughs broke the tension.
During the lesson, I tried to focus, but I could feel Toge's gaze on me from time to time. I never looked back. I had learned how to turn away, to close myself off, to survive through pain.
---"Hearts on the Edge."---
That same afternoon, Panda and I were called out on a small surveillance mission in an area just outside Tokyo. A mid-level curse had been reported in an abandoned cultural center—one of those once frequented by children, now swallowed in silence and moss. Panda walked beside me with slow, heavy steps, his massive body crunching dry leaves and gravel underfoot. It was a strangely calming sound.
"You know Toge didn't take his eyes off you all day, right?" he began, his voice gruff but kind. It sounded like an excuse, as if he was trying to open up the conversation to understand things better.
I turned slightly, hands in my jacket pockets.
"I don't care anymore. He just… used me. Threw me away when keeping me around became inconvenient."
Panda slowed his pace. His expression darkened, brows furrowed.
"That's not true at all, Rebe. I swear, if you had seen his eyes this morning… they weren't the eyes of someone who threw something away. They were the eyes of someone drowning."
I clenched my jaw tightly. "Even someone drowning can choose to ask for help."
At that moment, a dull rustle interrupted the conversation. A shadow stretched behind us. Out of nowhere, a massive curse emerged, resembling a giant bird with black claws and hollow eyes. In a split second, I took position, fingers tense, breathing calm despite my racing heart. Panda gave a low growl.
"Ready?"
"Always."
The battle was quick and brutal. I slid under a swipe of its claws, barely avoiding being hit.
With a swift movement, I channeled energy and struck precisely behind the creature's shoulder. Panda hit it from behind, landing blow after blow with force that made the ground shake. The curse screamed in response—a nonhuman voice that fell silent with a clean rip through the air.
I dropped to my knees, breathing heavily. All my pain and anger had been released in that brief moment of terror. Panda extended a hand to help me up.
"Nice work, partner."
I smiled faintly. "Thanks. You too."
Panda lowered his gaze, respectfully.
"The pain you carry inside… that's energy too. If you can channel it, it'll become your greatest weapon."
I turned to look at the sky, now beginning to turn orange.
"I just hope it doesn't destroy me first."
***
---After one week...---
The sky over Kyoto was clear, but inside me, it felt as heavy as lead.
The sun followed us through the van's windows, gilding the faces of those trying to smile. I rememberd we had gone to Kyoto for a training exercise, along with the first-years. At that moment, we were heading back to the Tokyo school.
Heading home.
But nothing in me felt like home anymore—not since Toge had decided he had to stop loving me to protect me.
Panda was half-asleep against the window, Yuta and Maki were whispering, occasionally laughing. They held hands, the two of them, and a sharp pang twisted in my stomach. I sat in silence, head slightly bowed, fists clenched on my knees. I couldn't sit next to him anymore. Hadn't been able to for weeks. Toge was in the back, a few seats behind. Always close enough to feel his presence, never close enough to touch me. A distance chosen, nurtured like a sentence.
We didn't talk. We didn't look at each other.
But I could feel his gaze on the back of my neck, like a whisper that didn't dare become a word.
Next to me sat Kaito—Gojo-sensei's assistant. Too curious, too bold. He had spent the last hour trying to crack jokes, tell pointless stories, nudging me with his elbow as if to say, "Come on, nothing happened that you can't just forget.
He didn't understand. He didn't know. He was supposed to keep quiet.
I laughed softly, out of politeness. But inside, I was miles away.
With every turn the van took, my heart grew heavier.
Then he leaned in toward me. His voice brushed my ear with something that had no right to be said.
"Since your little mute toy is broken now… how about actually talking this time?"
There was no thought. No pause. Just the sound of my skin meeting his.
A slap.
Sharp. Human. Terribly necessary.
The van froze. Yuta spun around, Maki's eyes widened, Panda stirred from half-sleep. Gojo-sensei, sitting next to the driver, glanced into the rearview mirror with a gaze that seemed to slice the air.
Toge…Toge looked up.
Our eyes met. And in that instant, I saw everything.
I saw his pain, his guilt, his hunger to go back. But I also saw the barrier he had put between us—one that neither of us could break.
I was trembling. My hands, my knees, my breath. It wasn't anger. It was humiliation, helplessness, suffocated love, and a loneliness that screamed under my skin.
I felt like I was made of glass. Thin, cracked, ready to shatter at the next wrong word.
"Leave," I said, voice barely audible.
"Sit somewhere else. Now."
Kaito touched his cheek, stunned. He said nothing. He got up and moved to the back, leaving behind a silence heavier than the slap itself.
I sat back down. Face turned toward the window, cheek cold against the glass.
Outside, Tokyo was getting closer. But I didn't feel like I was coming back.
I felt lost. Again.
And behind me—him. Toge. Still. Silent. As always. Like me.
And in all that emptiness, the only certainty left was that we were destroying each other from a distance, in the name of a love neither of us could touch anymore—but that neither of us had ever stopped feeling.
---Toge's point of view...---
We were back. The courtyard of the Tokyo School smelled the same as always: damp stone, trees that never spoke, and the echo of muffled footsteps on concrete. The others were laughing softly, tired but lighthearted.
You weren't.
You turned without a word, gripping the handle of your suitcase with that silent anger I'd learned to recognize in the way your shoulders tensed. You disappeared down the hallway that led to the dorms. Your door closed with a soft thud, and I felt that sound echo inside me. You didn't look back.
Not even for a second.
And I couldn't blame you. I had seen how you trembled in the van. I had heard the sound of the slap, felt the cold that fell over everyone, and sensed how my name was carved into your skin, even if you never spoke it aloud.
I wanted to break something. Instead—like always—I said nothing. I went to the training hall.
Not to train. Not to improve. Just to silence everything inside me.
The room was empty, bathed in pale light. Every step echoed like it was too much—like even existing was too loud. I picked up a spear from the floor, then a training staff. I didn't care which. I just wanted to hit something. I wanted to sweat until I no longer felt the weight of your absent gaze. I wanted to wear myself out enough to forget the way Kaito had looked at you. That line. That damn line.
"Since your little mute toy is broken now..."
I clenched my teeth. My hands were shaking. But it wasn't fear. It was hatred. Toward myself. Because I didn't step in. Because I couldn't.
Because I didn't protect you, Rebecca.
I was hurting you by staying.
I started hitting the training dummy with the spear. Sharp blows. Too fast, too erratic. There was no rhythm. No technique.
Only rage.
Every time I struck, I saw your face turning away from me. Every swing was the sound of your voice I no longer heard. Every step, the distance I had put between us, thinking it was love.
My hands began to burn. I kept going.
Then I messed up my grip. The spear slipped. A metal edge cut my arm—deep, clean, as if my own body wanted to remind me I didn't deserve to remain unscathed.
The blood came slowly at first, then steadier. I felt the warmth run down my forearm, then soak beneath my sleeve.
I sat down. Not from exhaustion. I just… couldn't stand anymore.
I looked at the cut without surprise. I didn't call anyone.
Didn't say a word.
I didn't want help.
I wanted to feel pain—at least for a moment—outside my chest. Because inside, everything was burning.
I had let go of you to save you.
But now I wasn't sure I had saved anyone at all.
The room was silent. The light flickered slightly. And I stayed there. Short of breath, fingers stained red, and your name pounding in my skull.
Rebecca. Rebecca. Rebecca.
I was your Toge.
And now I was just a shadow in a cold room,counting the heartbeats I'd lost since you stopped smiling at me.