CHAPTER FIVE
As school with its worrisome activities got to rest, a moonlit night has taken steps, and I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, lost in my thoughts. The gentle and cool breeze coming through the open window ruffled the curtains, creating a soothing rhythm. But despite the peaceful setting, my heart was heavy with unspoken words and unexpressed emotions. My mind lingered on Christabel, "What mistake have I really done? "Call me tomorrow, I have something to tell you" so she said. Now, my line is pressed number busy and there is no call back. When you press someone number busy, aren't you suppose to call back when you are free? If you really cares about the call, what stops you from calling back? But if I call back now, she could tag me as all senseless and idiotic soul. I appreciate people who call back again but I'm left with the question "What really keeps giving them the courage to call again and again? Is that which is called love? Is that why they said love is painful? But if love supposed to be painful, then, dam it...I cannot chase pains. People find love and peace but here am I not finding depression and anxiety? If she also feels loved and interested in me, why must she stress my poor soul? How do people really fall in love and it grows and they live very happily? Yes, oh yes!
She appears to be everything I had ever dreamed of and more. From the moment I met her, I was captivated by her beauty, grace, and untold intelligence. A ray of sunshine on a cloudy day that must always be bringing joy and light into my life. I was afraid of rejection, of losing her friendship. And so, I tried to keep my feelings hidden, hoping that one day, she would see them through my actions and gestures, hoping that love will grow and grow that its root go deeper under the ground. But who am I to control what I can not control? Who am I to resist the burning love inside my heart that I have for her? Must I lie and pretend that I don't love her? Just imagine" As I lay on my bed, the memories of our time together keep flooding my mind. The deep conversations we had under the starry sky, the laughter we shared over a cup of coffee. I cherished the moment spent with her so far, and each memory was etched in my heart. Now, left in dreams and here I keep facing rejection.
As I gazed at the moon, I wished with all my heart that Christabel could understand the depth of my love for her. I longed for her to see the love that shone in my eyes whenever I imagine about her. I yearned for her to feel the warmth of my embrace, the tenderness of my touch. I wish to touch her beautiful and charming face softly.
With a sigh, I reached for my journal, a place where I poured my heart out and wrote down my deepest desires. I began to write, pouring my heart and soul into every word, expressing all the love I had for Christabel.
"My dearest Christabel,
As I lay on my bed, with the moon as my witness, I cannot stop thinking of you. Every thought, every breath, every heartbeat is devoted to you. With each passing day, my love for you grows stronger, deeper, and more intense. I wish I could gather all the stars in the sky and lay them at your feet, for that is how much you mean to me.
You are the first thought that crosses my mind when I wake up, and the last one before I drift off to sleep. I find myself constantly daydreaming about you, imagining a life where we were together, sharing in each other's joys and sorrows. Imagine if I gently reach my palms on your face touching it with care. Just imagine if I could placed my hands across your west and embrace the warm of your soul.
Every time I imagine you, my heart races, and my palms get sweaty. You have this uncanny ability to make my heart skip a beat with just a smile. And oh, how I adore that smile. It lights up the room, and it brings so much joy to my heart.
I wish you could see the way I look at you. How my eyes drink in your every movement, how they trace the contours of your face, committing every detail to memory. You are the most beautiful person I have ever laid my eyes on, and no words can ever do justice to your beauty. With just feeling you by my side, I feel like I can conquer the world.
I wish I could tell you all these things in person, hold your hand, and look into your eyes as I pour my heart out. Because, my love, you worth every risk, every leap of faith.
But for now, I will continue to love you from a distance. I will continue to admire you from afar, hoping that one day, you will understand the depth of my love for you"
As I closed my journal, tears welled up in my eyes, and my heart ached with longing. I lay back on my bed, imagining what it would be like to have Christabel lying next to me, to hold her close and whisper my love into her ear.
But as I drifted off to sleep, I held on to the hope that one day, Christabel would understand the depth of my love for her. "Now, to stop thinking about this soul, I think I have to get some tablets from a nearest pharmacy. A real pharmacist should know some drags to cure unnecessary feelings"