The next morning, I woke up in a tangled pile of limbs, hair, and doom.
Haruka was hugging my arm. Lucina had wrapped herself around my leg like a serpent. Nanami was using my chest as a wireless charging station. And Sakura?
She was meditating upside-down on the ceiling beam with a kunai in her mouth like it was totally normal.
💬 [System Alert]
Sleep Quality: 0.5 stars
New Buff: Harem Overload (Headaches +12%)
I untangled myself and stumbled into the kitchen. I had one goal: eat a peaceful breakfast.
Instead, I found all four girls wearing matching aprons, arguing over who got to cook for me.
"I'm making rice balls," Haruka said, brandishing a rice paddle.
"I've hunted a blood beast for breakfast," Lucina purred.
"I downloaded 4,812 five-star recipes," Nanami added, her apron displaying a recipe queue.
Sakura held up a suspiciously twitching omelette. "This one bites back. Like love."
I took a single step back. "Nope. Not again."
But before they could turn the kitchen into another battlefield, my phone vibrated.
📱 Notification from: "Harem System – Global Feed"
📰 Breaking News: Student Hiro Kaze Dubbed 'Harem King' by Local News After Viral School Video
What.
I opened the link.
It was a video. Of me. In the school hallway. Screaming, "I LOVE YOU TOO, NANAMI," while collapsing dramatically.
The clip had been looped, auto-tuned, and now had over 800,000 views.
💬 [System Update]
Global Harem Ranking Unlocked
Current Rank: #12
💢 New Challenger Approaching…
The front door exploded.
Petals flew in every direction — literal rose petals — as a tall, elegant boy in a pristine black suit stepped into my house like it was a fashion runway.
He held a single blood-red rose between two fingers, his hair fluttering from an imaginary breeze.
"Greetings, Hiro Kaze," he said, eyes gleaming with practiced romance. "We finally meet."
Lucina blinked. "Who invited the budget butler?"
Haruka narrowed her eyes. "Who are you?"
The boy smirked.
💀 Rival Harem Leader Detected
Name: Kuro Renji
Title: "The Dark Prince of Love"
Rank: Harem Leader #4
Girlfriends: 46
Threat Level: Medium-High
Style: Manipulative, Handsome, Extremely Punchable
"I am Kuro Renji," he said smoothly, tossing the rose in my direction. "Top student of Roselia Academy, undefeated in love battles, and architect of the Crimson Harem."
He pointed at me dramatically.
"And you, sir, have been causing quite the stir."
I picked up the rose. It exploded in glitter.
💬 [System Warning]
Glitter Damage Detected
-3 Dignity
-2 Eye Functionality
Kuro paced through my house like he owned it. My girlfriends formed a protective wall behind me, weapons (and ladles) ready.
"I've come to issue a formal challenge," he said. "The title of Harem King is not taken lightly. We shall duel… with our hearts."
"…what?"
"We shall compete," he declared. "In charm, charisma, devotion, and romantic domination."
Nanami blinked. "That's… the dumbest thing I've ever heard."
Lucina chuckled. "I like him. He's an idiot with flair."
💬 New System Event: Harem Duel – Round 1
Objective: Win the School Popularity Poll
Duration: 1 Week
Reward: Rank Boost + New Girlfriend Candidates
Penalty: Public Humiliation + Loss of Face (Possibly Literal)
Kuro smirked. "Try not to lose too badly, peasant."
Then he threw down a glittery calling card and walked out as if he hadn't just committed a full anime villain monologue in my living room.
Sakura picked up the card and sniffed it. "Smells like lies and men's perfume."
Haruka clenched her fists. "He's asking for it."
Lucina cracked her knuckles. "Shall we destroy his fan club?"
Nanami pulled up a map of the school. "We can take control of key popularity zones by Wednesday."
I stared at all of them.
"…This is my life now, isn't it?"
💬 "Correct, Host."
"Also… new confession approaching."
Just as I was about to scream into a pillow, the doorbell rang.
Outside stood a girl in a royal school uniform with golden twin tails and glowing shoes.
She smiled with eerie politeness. "I'm Princess Liora von Lunaris. I've come to claim you."
💘 New Confession Detected
Girl #005: Status: Royalty. Confidence: 100%. Casualties: Probably.
One girlfriend closer to madness…